100 more days of loving you | renhyuck

52

dear donghyuck,

my mom took me to church today.

she told me to pray.

she said "maybe if you pray you wont be sick"

mom, ive been praying since the day the doctor first told me i was sick.

im tired hyuck.

im tired of trying, of hoping, of wishing, of praying.

i try to have a positive outlook for you, but its so freaking hard now.

after friday, now that i just feel horrible, i cant be positive.

but i know as soon as i see your face im going to start wishing and hoping and praying and trying all over again.

but today, im too tired.

maybe im just tired from being up sick all night, but either way, im too tired.

right now, i want to be dead.

but when i look back up and see that the person im writing to is you, i want to live.

i want to live to see you.

i dont want to leave you.

♡♡♡

you are the only reason i want to live.

i love everyone in our friend group, but i love you in a different way.

hyuckie, i dont want to be forgotten either.

i know thats selfish, but you were my first love, and i dont want you to forget me.

ive been with you for so long now, and the thought of you forgetting me when im gone hurts as much as thinking that i will never see you again.

i wish you were here. i wish you could wipe the tears rolling down my cheeks right now like you always do.

normally if i was crying like i am now, i would call you, but i cant.

you cant know.

i promised nyself that i wouldnt tell you.

i made my mom promise that she wouldnt tell your family.

i cant.

but it hurts.

its hurts to not let you come.

i want to be in your embrace, but instead im sitting at my desk, writing to you as tears roll down my cheeks in my room, alone.

ive never felt so lonely before.

normally you are here beside me.

its only been three days, but i miss you right now.

i love you hyuck~

your dying friend,
renjun

this is a very bad story to be writing at this moment.

i apologize...

-NctzenGrass