100 more days of loving you | renhyuck

93

dear donghyuck,

Heyyyy man, it's Jaemin.

So Renjun kinda passed out... as in he's sleeping, nothing bad.

Before he fell asleep though he kept going on and on about how he had to write you a letter because he's missed too many days, so I told him I could take over.

Then he said he always ends it a specific way and all this other shit, but he didn't put up his letter from yesterday so I just glanced at the end (I did not read it I promise, just the last 3 lines).

After that he just kinda fell asleep, so I am filling in.

I guess I will write this from me (Jaemin) to you (Donghyuck) rather than what I think Renjun wants to say.

Donghyuck, I just want to thank you first of all. I know at the beginning of our friendship I was a bit closer to Renjun and you Jeno until me and him started dating, and you really took him under your wing.

We have been best friends for so long that I think I took eveything I had for granted.

I mean to think we had Renjun in our lives for so long and now he's just going to be gone.

He really is and always has been such a precious friend to me (as have you) and I know how much he means to you as well.

I don't want you to be upset that me and him have hung out so much the past few weeks, and please don't be hurt that me and Jeno know about the sickness and not you.

Donghyuck you mean so much more to our lovely friend than I think you can even imagine.

I'm also glad he didn't tell you in a way.

I've never seen him in so much pain as i have the past two days. It really is a punch in the face that he is dying.

I am glad you have never had to see him like this. It's so painful, so extremely painful.

Donghyuck, I observe, and you know this.

I know you, Renjun, Jeno, Yangyang, and Shotaro more than I have ever known myself, and I don't think you could stand this.

You probably think that you could handle it because he's your best friend, but Donghyuck it is so much more than that.

Renjun isn't just your best friend, he's also the love of your life.

I want you to know that you not knowing about this and not being here with him in this moment, is the best thing for both of you.

You are going to be in so much pain when you find out what has happened. You are probably going to hate yourself for not knowing and not being here for Renjun, but I need you to understand this; it would have hurt worse for you to see him dying, than know that he is dead.

I cannot imagine watching Jeno in even half as much pain as Renjun. I'm pushing through because he's our friend and I know he doesn't really have anyone else at the moment, but this is one of the hardest things I have ever had to do.

Watching your friend die in front of you is so much worse than them dying.

I just have to sit here and know that there is nothing I can do for him. Nothing will make him better. I just have to accept it and watch him wither.

Donghyuck you have been such a sunshine in our friends life and I need you to know that everything you have done for this man is good.

Do not have regrets, please do not wish you could have done more. You did more than enough when it comes to Huang Renjun, I promise.

Stay strong with the rest of us, do not try to take away any pain you are feeling from this entire situation.

We all are in pain, and what we need is each other.

What Renjun wants is for us to stay strong together okay?

To get past this and live happily.

Donghyuck, Renjun will always, and I mean always, be here in our hearts with us, so let's live a good life like he would want.

Renjun loves you more than what could ever be put into words Hyuck.

Your worried friend,
Jaemin