100 more days of loving you | renhyuck

51

dear donghyuck,

well, my sickness has finally kicked in.

i was at the hospital yesterday so i couldnt write to you. they wanted to hospitalize me longer, but i told them i wanted to go home since i was going to die anyways

that also means that i didnt get to see you yesterday.

i missed you.

you called me a lot, i guess you missed me too?

sorry hyuck, for being sick.

i didnt ask to be.

i promised myself not to be sad while writing these, and i was doing so well, but yesterday it really hit me.

im going to die hyuck.

my life will be nothing just within 50 more days.

i used to think to myself that maybe, just maybe there was the slightest chance of me living.

its all too real now hyuck.

it hurts.

my stomach.

my throat.

my body.

my heart.

hyuck, i dont wanna leave you.

i dont wanna leave.

i want you to save me.

i know its not possible, but i still want it.

hyuck, you will be okay when im gone, right?

if i think about you hurting i think my condition may get worse.

i dont want you to hurt.

please be happy.

i dont want you to feel what i am feeling right now.

i love you, and knowing you will be hurt from this, it breaks me.

i cant be broke much hyuck, i have to live on, i have to hold on, 50 more days.

hyuck, my stomach hurts.

i miss when i was happy a few days ago.

i miss when i just wanted to get to friday.

now i wish friday had never came.

♡♡♡

i love that you arent sick

im happy you dont have to be like me :)

you can live freely~

if you were sick, i would still obviously love you, but since you arent it can be one of the other things i love about you.

you are healthy, and that makes me happy

you make me happy

i love you hyuck~

your dying friend,
renjun