100 more days of loving you | renhyuck

91

dear donghyuck,

these were so much easier to write when i had school or you guys over.

i have nothing to talk about.

you wanna know what i did today? cry and sleep.

you wanna know what i did after i wrote to you yesterday? cry and sleep.

"live your last days well" "live like you are going to die tomorrow"

the thing is, who knows, i could easily die tomorrow

for all we know i could die in a couple of hours

but how the hell am i supposed to live my last days well if im in too much pain to do more than write a letter.

after just one i feel so physically drained.

you can imagine how hard it is to shower.

im writing this to you while my mom cooks dinner.

meal times are really the only times that i am up and moving.

like while she made lunch i took said shower, not fun.

im not gonna tell my mom that because i dont want help taking a shower.

i think i am going to try and see jaemin this weekend.

im not ready to die yet, i want one more weekend with a friend before everything happens

just one more.

i would ask you, but i cant

you cant see me like this

i dont wanna see you when im like this

i want your last memory of me to be happy.

i want you to be happy, but i just know these letters are probably going to break you as much as they are me.

im sorry hyuckie

when i first started writing these i never wanted them to make you sad, they were just supposed to be little love letters and the memories of my last 100 days.

instead recently its just been me crying about how much pain im in and repeating the same things CONSTANTLY.

im sorry

like that phrase, said it 18 too many times

well anywhore,

i love you hyuck

your dying friend,
renjun