100 more days of loving you | renhyuck

53

dear donghyuck,

mrs. kim talked to me...

my mom told the school who told the teachers. it shouldnt get further than that, but the teachers know now.

they know that im going to die in like 50 days.

mrs. kim had the fucking audacity today to apologize about being hard on me and that she hopes i live my last 50 days well.

the bitch is so fucking two faced. this is the same fucking teacher who got me grounded for 2 months when she wasnt even my teacher, and it was for something i didnt even do.

hyuck i literally hate her so much. as if she doesnt make that class shitty by separating me and the rest of you guys and constantly getting on to me about EVERYTHING, but she looks at me directly when yelling at the class.

at first i didnt let it bother me. like we all knew she was a bitch, but when she talked to me today, i just got so pissed off.

why didnt she give a shit about me before she knew i was dying? what you suddenly care now?

im sorry hyuck, these are supposed to be for you and im going off about mrs continues to make me want to kms.

im not ready hyuck, i dont want to go to school tomorrow.

did you see the way mr park looked at me? with absolute pity.

i dont want constant reminders that im dying hyuck. writing these letters at first was almost too much, but the constant looks of pity from my teachers and them talking to me about it, i cant hyuck.

the principal told me that i need to go to the nurse once a day too. i cant hyuck, i cant anymore.

i dont want to, i dont want to die.

hyuck, i wanna live.

i want to live.

i just want to live.

i dont want to die yet.

not yet.

♡♡♡

hyuck, thank you for noticing so many small details that happen throughout my day.

you noticed the way i was uncomfortable in mrs kims and mr parks class, and only you pay that much attention to details.

you keep asking me whats wrong. you know me too well hyuck, you know im lying when i say nothing.

i want to tell you hyuck.

i really do.

i love how much you know about me.

and i hate myself.

i hate myself for keeping a sercret this big.

i hate that im a wimp that cant handle telling you that im going to die.

i hate that im a wimp that cant say yes to your confessions because i know it will make me hope for more than i can be given.

also, what will become of you if i tell you or we date?

i want you to be happy hyuck.

i dont want you to go through too much pain.

i know you and the others will be in pain when i leave, but hyuck, please dont be in too much pain.

think of me happily like you did when i was still with you :)

i love you hyuck~

your dying friend,
renjun

there were double updates today so be sure you didnt miss part 52!!

i hope everyone is staying healthy and try your best to stay positive!

yesterday was hard, and it may continue to be hard, but reach out to the ones you love. you are not alone. if you feel alone you can ALWAYS message me!

lets remember moonbins beautiful soul and be happy he is in a better place place now! he can rest well <3

dont forget to eat and get good sleep!

-NctzenGrass🌱