100 more days of loving you | renhyuck

100

dear donghyuck,

happy birthday hyuckie :)

its my last letter.

it hurts hyuckie.

everything.

i didnt want to have to say this on your birthday, but i do :(

last year on june 7th i went to the hospital for the possibility of strep. my throat hurt so much and i really thought that after a week i would be back to normal. in fact, i didnt even think i had strep, i though my throat just hurt from yelling at your birthday party the day before.

instead of being told i had strep, i was told that i had maybe a year to live. the words were so hard to hear. so incredibly difficult to digest. i didnt know what to do, so i just spaced out.

i dont know what i have. i dont know whats making me sick. the day was a blur and i decided to never ask.

i instead just hoped to get better, but i guess i never did. i decided to live the last two-thirds or so of my life normally, pretend the sickness wasnt happening, but i knew you would need to know at some point.

so here i am.

the past 100 days have been hard, but i think the hardest part of it all is not knowing whats going to happen after today.

i feel sick, my body aches, my head hurts, but it is still better than yesterday

im about to go to the doctor. my mom is calling me.

goodbye for the last time, i have to go see the man who told me i was to die again.

then basically i will stay on my hospital bed until i fall asleep for good.

if a miracle happens, you will have no point of reading these i guess, but you heard about my last visit so the chances are beyond slim.

im putting these in the mail before i leave.

my mom is calling me again.

goodbye my love, my sunshine, the only person in the world who made me feel a happiness that i can never experience again. tell the others that i love and will miss them too. also please tell jaemin that i am extremely thankful for all he has done for me while i was sick. i didnt have the energy to tell him myself.

you truly were all worth way too much than what i could afford.

maybe thats why when i leave home and see my doctor hes going to say im basically dead and will only live one more day. just 12 more hours.

the world blessed me with too much so they are withdrawaling it from my hands.

that makes sense.

hyuck, this is my confession ive never gotten to tell you. i know i have given you confessions in other letters, but this is my final one.

these past 100 days ive liked you like no other person has.

i loved you like you were my first, and you are my last.

i love you in an indescribable way that i wont ever get to feel again.

every time i pushed through a difficult day was for you.

and if i had to do all of this again, just to be with you longer, i would because i love you that much.

i love you hyuck

i love you so much, that i cant imagine not being here with you anymore :(

hyuckie, dont forget me

please keep me in your heart forever because i will be there.

when you look up at the stars at night, pretend that im one of them. maybe i will be even, looking down on you with a wide smile on my face

i love you hyuck

i hope we can meet in another life

i really have to go now, before my mom comes to my room.

so long donghyuck. i love you so so so so so fucking much. and i will continue to love you, even when im long gone. even if i am reborn into a new life, i will love you. thats a promise.

your basically already dead friend,
renjun

i cannot believe this story has come to an end.

it honestly has been such an experience to write and its almost sad to say that its over.

thank you all for all of the support you have given me throughout the book!!

the second book is called 100 letters

the first chapter will be released june 8th!

see you guys there?

-NctzenGrass🌱🏳️‍🌈