How to Save a Life | Joshifer

Chapter 22: Need You

We walk down the empty street. Josh starts to smile. I don't know whether to go along with it.

"What?" I say. He turns to me and stares in my eyes.

"Nothing." He tells me. He just keeps smiling.

"Well why are you smiling?" I ask.

"Is that bad?" he replies.

"No, but is there a reason?" I say.

"Because I'm walking the most beautiful, hilarious, caring, different girl, home tonight." He tells me. It's a good thing it's dark because my face is probably blushing.

That word "different" makes me uneasy. I have no idea. Maybe it's because it's what Woody said. That I was as broken as he is.

"No. I'm not." I say. "There's Tori and those other girls. And especially Lanchen." I nudge him in the ribs. His smile fades away.

"I guess. But your different from them." He says. No! I'm not. It's getting me angry. I'm not different!

"Why did you two break up?" I ask. It's none of my business.

"Because I wasn't happy. I felt like I was with the wrong person." He says. He holds my hand.

"Josh...." I begin.

"Wait, before you turn me down. I like you. A lot. Your wonderful. You make me feel normal. My family treats me like I'm diseased. Yes, I have a condition. But I feel like I can control myself when I'm with you. And I know your broken too. I can feel it. It's like we are both broken to pieces, but we fit together." Josh stops walking and faces me.

"We've had this talk before. I don't know what I feel anymore. I just don't want to be hurt." I say trying to avoid eye contact.

"I would never hurt you." He says lifting my chin so our eyes could meet.

I don't want to say it. But I do. "I know we were never together or anything. But we kissed and I didn't know what to make of it. I'm sorry if I hurt you by saying "awesome" but what you did was worse." I say. "The day of the party. You had your tongue down some girl's mouth. That hurt me."

"Well I drunk and I was hurt. So that doesn't count." He begins.

"That's no excuse." I say.

"It kind of is. I know I shouldn't have been drinking. But you have to understand you equally hurt me."

"By words. Not actions." I throw back.

"Words are worse than actions. Give me a break." He says getting louder.

"Fine. I'll give us a break. A few days not talking or seeing eachother. Just so we can get our feelings straight." I reply.

"No. I have feelings straightened out. I can't just not see you. I need you." Josh says. He grabs my waist and pulls me in. Kissing me. The chills are back. And a warm feeling runs through my body. I tug on his hair. Kissing him equally. He tries to end the kiss but I won't let him.

"Wait. Wait. So does this mean-" He begins.

"No." We stop kissing.

"Friends with benefits?" He suggests.

"For now." I agree.

We walk to Woody's house, hand-in-hand. We reach the porch.

"I'll be here tomorrow fixing the front up." He says. I nod. He moves in closer. I turn my head and he kisses my cheek. Too fast, I think.