How to Save a Life | Joshifer

Chapter 24: Broken and Different

I wake up and instantly gag into the trash can next to my bed. I raise my chin and look at the alarm clock. It's 2:30 pm. I lay back down and rub my face over and over.

I walk down the stairs and the living room clean. Everything in it's place. Was it all just a bad nightmare? No, but I wish it was. I tip toe my way into the kitchen and see Josh making oatmeal. I sit at the table.

"Hey sleepy head." He says joyful. He places a bowl of oatmeal in front of me. My head throbbing and my sight spinning. Food isn't exactly on my mind. "Eat. We have to get something in you." I pick up the spoon and dip the tip slightly into the steaming bowl and I lick the spoon barely.

"Happy?" I say croaking it out.

"Sorry I couldn't make something more...appetizing. Consider that party goers raided your pantry and fridge. There's no food left." Josh apologizes. "Tori was here. She went to the store to buy food so Woody won't notice." I just nod and place my unbearable head down.

Josh is about to talk when I "shh" him. Right now I just want complete silence. I can't take any type of noise. I'm just not in the mood.

"Well fine then grumpy boots." He says. "No 'Thank you Josh for cleaning up' or 'thanks for attemping to make food' or, oh yeah, 'Thanks for saving my life last night'." Josh explodes.

"I'm sorry! I'm just a bit hung over and I feel horrible!" I say back.

"Well is that my fault?" He says.

"Yes! I wouldn't be this way if it weren't for you and your man instincts!" I yell back.

"What's that suppose to mean?" He sort of laughs but still is seriously.

"Oh like you didn't notice the drooling girls all over you last night." I say laughing sarcastically.

"Really? Jen. I thought you were different." Josh says disappointed. That word "different" rubs me the wrong way.

"Well I guess you thought of me wrong. I not different! I'm normal unlike you!" I say it. But once I say it I know I will regret my words immediately.

"What?" Josh pauses. " Wait say that again."

I know I don't want to. My throat starts closing up. "I'm not like you! I'm not crazy or bipolar or have ADHD! I don't need special therapy! Okay?" I yell. I can blame this all on my headache but a part of me says I've been dying to say this. But never in this way.

"Woody told you..." Josh says. He hesitates to say anything. I rest my head down. "That's it then. I'm a psycho to you now. I'm sorry that I'm this way. I sometimes hate how I was born and even wished I had died because of the car accident. I'm sorry that I'm such a bother to you. Maybe if you could have told me this before, I wouldn't feel so damn obligated to care for you. But I guess it's because I'm just crazy like that right?"

I don't say anything. Only because I was wrong to even open my mouth. I feel my eyes become watery. What he says about the accident hits me hard.

"And you'ew just afraid to admit your different. You're as broken as me. The saddest part is that you can't see it yourself." Josh says calmly.

The front door opens and Tori yells for help. Josh leaves to help her with the bags of food. And I quickly wipe away the fallen tears down my face.

"Hey" Tori says sympathetically. "How you doing?"

"Just fine." I say coldly. Josh looks over at me while he places the bags on the island.

"Good. I bought some Advil to make the headaches go away." Tori gives a warm smile. I try to do the same but it's just not working.

"Thanks." I mutter.

"I bought a lot of food. I guess I owe you because of how the party went and all." Tori says sheepishly. I nod. "Now Josh can make a good dinner for you, sicky."

Josh doesn't say anything and his face is emotionless. He keeps unpacking the food.

"Hey! Josh!" Tori says trying to get his attention. He looks over and continues. "What crawled up his ass?" Then I pause and look down at the table.

"What happened when I was gone?" Tori says loud enough so Josh hears as well.

I could tell her everything. But this seems to be something I want to keep a secret. Awkward silences fills the kitchen. We all stay quiet.

"I've got to go." Josh says once he's finished.

"What? Aren't you gonna stay and take care of your girlfriend?" Tori says winking at him.

"I have more important things to do." He coldly responds. He leaves the house and I feel empty. I feel tears coming on but nothing escapes. Tori watches me as I struggle with my emotions.

"What happened?" She asks sincerely, all jokes aside.

"I'm a bitch." The only thing I can say. Tori just sighs and hugs me. Then she announces she has to leave before her mom gets home. And I let her.

A few hours pass, I'm still bottling in my emotions. I sit on my couch and flip through the channels. Then a commercial passes showing a movie preview for "Silver Linings Playbook". A movie about a bipolar guy who meets a girl who has problems of her own but they complete each other and they go through life difficulties. Wow! they just had to make a movie that just sums up my life entirely.

It's only about 8:45. I call Tori immediately.

"Hello." Tori says.

"Hey! I need to go to the movies like right now!" I almost scream into the phone.

"Wait..what? Right now?" She repeats over and over.

"Yeah! I need to see this movie Silver Linings Playbook!" I yell.

"Okay. Okay. I'll be there soon crazy." She says before hanging up.

I run up stairs and grab my bag and change my pants. She finally arrives and we jet off to the movie theater.

"Why do we need to see this?" Tori asks. I need to make up a lie.

"Because the sexiest man alive is in it. Bradley Cooper. And that one hot actress. Jennifer Lawrence." I say. She laughs.

We arrive and I jump out of the car and buy both of or tickets immediately.

"Two for Silver Linings Playbook. Now!" I yell at the ticket holder. I hand him the money and he gives me the tickets. Tori insists on getting popcorn.

"There is no time for that!" I drag her into the theater and we fine perfect seats.

Once the movie ends. I can't feel anything but sadness and/or happiness. The movie was just perfect yet eye opening. It made me feel useless since my life doesn't have a happy ending like Pat and Tiffany, the characters.

"Are you happy now?" Tori asks as we walk out. I nod. "I have to admit it was worth seeing it."

She drops me off at my house. I walk in and Furman almosts jumps on me. He's pretty big dog for his age. I don't see him much since he took over Woody's job, sleeping. I pat his head and lead him into my room. He sleeps on the end of my bed as I lay in my bed not finding any way to fall asleep.