Erased - Analogical

[Chapter One]

-Possible TW for Panic Attacks-

|POV Virgil|

"Isss it going to kill you to give me a ssstraightforward answer for once in your life?!" Janus hissed at me, you could tell how pissed off he was because of how much he was dragging out every 's' that he spoke.

"Is it going to kill you to just keep your nose out of issues that have nothing to do with you?!" I retorted back, noticing the actual anger slipping into my voice as I spoke, which was pretty rare to get me actually angry at someone.

"Nothing to do with me...? Nothing to do with me?!" he repeated back to me, "of course it has nothing to do with me! I'm not the one you abandoned along with Remusss, and to this day you're totally not being as stubborn as ever when I ask for a fucking answer!" God, I hated when he spoke in lies drenched in sarcasm during arguments.

"Tch, and here I was assuming that after all this time you'd just leave the subject alone and move on. But NO. You have to keep pushing things you're clearly not getting an answer to! And the more you push the less likely I am to ever consider telling you," I was seriously getting fed up at this point, couldn't he tell I didn't want to speak about it? "Plus, it's not like I owe you anything! So stop acting like I do."

After I said that, he fell silent. The length of the pause he had made was starting to creep me out, but just when I opened my mouth to follow up my previous argument, he interrupted and started speaking again.

"You don't owe me anything...?" he spoke calmly before a soft chuckle could be heard under his breath, not the lighthearted kind of chuckle, more like a mocking & sadistic chuckle, "you're so foolish sometimes Virgil..."

What the hell was he on about-?

Before I even had the chance to ask what he meant, I was interrupted again. But this time, not by Janus' words, it was by his actions. I barely had a chance to process what was happening before the harsh reality hit me like a train. Janus had... shape-shifted into me. But not the current me, it was (as the fans like to call it) Pre-AA Virgil. For a brief moment, it felt like I was looking into a mirror until I noticed the difference that separated us two. His right eye was still the token snake eye that Janus possessed.

What the fuck.
Janus told me that he would never pretend to be me again... he knew how much it hurts to see... especially the old me...

"J-Janus... what the h-hell are you doing-?" I stammered out in a moment of panic and confusion.

"Anxiety... don't act like I never did anything for you.." his voice was eerily similar to mine, just with a sharper tone in comparison to me. Plus, I hated hearing him call me anxiety, I had a name. And I earned that name. The day I became a main trait instead of a side trait, I earned the name Virgil.

"Janus was the one who took you in when the light sides didn't want to have you around," he spoke of himself in third person which just creeped me out even more, I assumed he was doing it to get in my head since he had already shape shifted into me, "Janus was the one who taught you everything you know. Janus was the one who helped make you into a main dark trait. Janus was the one who listened to you every night you came back, upset that the light sides didn't understand you. Janus was the one who fucking stood up for you no matter what happened!" His tone was gradually getting louder which made my own anxiety start to kick in badly, "you were supposed to stick together no matter what happened!! Did you forget?!?"

I felt my hand begin to tremble as I took a step back from the deceitful trait that stood before me... mocking me.
I hated looking at the old me... so... so much... so seeing my old self yell at me about the relationship I used to have with Janus hurt almost twice as hard as it would have just hearing it from Janus himself. There was no doubt in my mind that he knew that, he did it on purpose, to hurt me even more.

I felt my breathing begin to rise and fall at a rapid rate as I continued to back up until I hit into a wall. With my back pressed against it, I knew what was now happening. An attack.
It didn't take long for my vision to blur, leaving me with only a few rough fuzzy shapes in my line of sight. One of them was clearly Janus, he seemed to have shape shifted back into his normal form, a devilish grin smothered onto his face as he turned his back to me, his cape swishing behind him. He had gotten what he wanted. I was left in an anxious mess on my own bedroom floor. That fucking snake knew exactly how to hurt me effectively.

Before he left my room with his smug mien, he turned his head to me and continued to speak a few final things. Every word spoke cut me deep like a hundred knives at once.
"You know, anxiety, you're nothing without me. I made you who you are, and if you refuse to acknowledge that, there's no use for you. You could be effectively replaced if you somehow ever... ssstopped doing your job or showing up."
And with that, he left.

I was alone again...
I had always been alone...
Oh god...
Janus was right... I wasn't anything without him
And I was definitely able to be replaced by another side trait getting given the title of main trait.

You know exactly what you need to do.

A voice in my head spoke to me. I heard it clearly, causing all of my attention to get focused on it instead of the confusing mess around me that was caused from the attack. Not to mention, the attack hurt so much more than regular due to the fact I was trying my best to repress it. I didn't want Thomas or any of the other sides to feel this level of stress that I was being put through.

The voice was right... I did know what I needed to do. It's not like I hadn't contemplated it before - but I'd never had the guts to actually do it. But now... hearing Janus say exactly what I was waiting for to convince me of it... maybe it was a sign. A sign that it was time.

I needed to erase myself.

I knew exactly how to do such a thing. Big thanks to Remus for showing me how to years ago. I'm sure he didn't ever think or consider that I'd end up using it on myself, but oh well.
Soon, all of this would be over anyways.

[1999 Words]

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Uh, sorry for starting this off so angsty. Plus, not exactly confident that this is a good chapter so oops.Also, just a thank you to -Deimosemo- for being so supportive on my stories, so go and check out his page for more Sander Sides stories!
And thank you to iggykoko for still reading my stories despite the fact she has no clue what Sanders Sides is.
💕
-MM