My Boy// SnowBaz ✔️

Chapter 19

Tw: talk of sex, cursing

Simon

    "You guys had sex, and it took you a week to tell me?" Penny exclaims from across the table, her eyes wide, a spoonful of cereal paused halfway to her mouth.

    "Yeah, sorry it took me a while to proses..." I grin nervously.

    "Woah, okay. How was it?" She asks.

    "It wasn't bad, like it was a good experience, and I'd do it again, but it's not something I'd ever initiate, you know?" I explain sipping my tea.

    "Hm okay that makes sense" she nods thoughtfully. I can tell she's still trying it understand it.

    "So is Baz going to quit his job now?" She asks, distractedly sorting threw the mail on the table beside her, and I'm instantly confused.

    "What? why? Where did that even come from... we're talking about sex?"

    "Yeah exactly" she looks confused that I don't understand, and I'm confused by the fact that she thinks that I should understand. I really hate feeling confused.

    "Okay, you're going to need to explain this one" I shake my head.

    "I was just thinking that Baz would quit having sex with strangers since you two are fucking now?" She explains, and it still takes me a second to understand.

    "Oh, yeah no. We're not 'fucking' we're dating, in fact, we're probably not going to be fucking that much at all" I laugh, but Penny doesn't look particularly amused with my joke. "And anyway, I don't mind his job. He says he's able to separate the emotion from it" I explain still waiting to see the look of understanding settle on her face. "and I think that's actually why he gets me so well and is able to understand why I'm asexual" I grin fondly, still waiting to see a positive reaction from Penny.

    "Okay Simon that's good, but Baz is normal. He isn't like you where he feels nothing while having sex, even if that's what he tells you" she still hasn't looked back up at me. "And just because you guys have something good going right now, doesn't mean it will always be like that" I can already feel anger bubbling in my chest, and I force myself to push it down. "What is he going to do when he has a club full of men paying for his attention, and you don't even think about being physically close to him? I know this sounds harsh, but I don't want you to get hurt, Simon." She tells me, and I know she's trying to help me, but the words are hurtful.

    "Okay," I nod and silently go back to sipping my tea. Her words start repeating in my head, 'But Baz is normal, not like you'. The silence stretches out between us before she finally realizes she messed up, and reaches across the table to hold my hand.

    "I'm sorry I shouldn't have said that stuff, I just really care about you Simon, okay" I nod my head, and force a smile. Even though she apologized I know that she really does feel that way. And that hurts, especially because she's someone I trust. And usually what she says is what's right for me.

    I don't like having this much to think about.

    It is weird though, I never imagined that I could date a prostitute. Why does the word prostitute sound so scary to me still? it's just a word... but I feel like I've learned and grown a lot. Baz is a sex worker, but he's also just a person. Wow, if year 12 Simon could see me now.

    "You know what? Right now it's not an issue for me, and I know that if I think about it too long, I will convince myself it is. I appreciate your concern, and I know you were really just trying to help, but I'm really happy with Baz and I don't see anything changing anytime soon" I tell her strongly, and I am happy to see Penny nodding along with me. I can tell she's proud that I stand up for myself.

    "Then I'm happy for you guys, I definitely think your relationship is unique in a way only a few could succeed at, but I think you and Baz will do well together" she smiles and presses a kiss to the top of my head before leaving the kitchen. "Are you home for dinner?" She asks re-entering the kitchen.

    "No, I'm going to Baz's" I grin when I see a smile flit across her lips briefly.

Baz

    Something that I love that came out of us having sex, is the fact that Simon isn't as awkward about physical touch anymore. The first night we hung out he could barely sit on a couch without feeling too close to me. Now he's laying across the sofa with his head in my lap. And I'm playing with his curls while we watch Mr. Robot.

    "Hey Baz, could I ask you a question?" he looks up at me. And I can't help but notice how adorable he is, looking up at me like he's about to ask the most important question in the world, when I know it's probably going you be him asking if there's anything leftover from dinner.

    "Of course babe"

    "If I wasn't asexual would that change the way you see me?" He's turned over to face me, his head is angled towards my body and I have to force myself to ignore his warm breath ghosting my stomach, and lingering further down.

    "What do you mean?" I ask running my fingers up and down his back gently.

    "Like if you met someone who was exactly like me, but was interested in sex, would you want to peruse that relationship over what we got right now? I know that's a weird question, but you can be honest I promise" his eyebrows are knitted together worriedly and I would find it cute, if this man wasn't so confusing.

    "Of course I would" I laugh lightly before continuing. "But luckily for you, there's no one in the world quite like you Simon Snow" I tap his nose with the tip of my finger and he slaps it away playfully.

    "No seriously though" he persists and I roll my eyes.

    "Simon, of course not. I love you, okay? And if I ever do catch feelings for someone else, I would be honest and tell you. So unless I tell you otherwise, I promise, you're the only one I love" I lean down to press a kiss to his cheek and he smiles. He cuddles into my side, still laying with his head on my lap, facing me, and I can suddenly feel the warmth of his face through my sweats and my briefs.

    "Thank you" he mumbles, completely unaware of where he's rested his head. I laugh and shift his head higher up to rest on my knee. He's still facing me though, and it still feels so intimate.  I want him to turn around, but I don't know how to make that happen. If I'm honest and tell him he's making me hard and I can't deal with that right now, it's going to be awkward, and he'll probably feel bad. But if I don't give him a good reason, he's going to feel rejected, it's kind of rude to tell someone you love to turn around so you can't see their face.

    "Simon love, I love you, but where your face is resting, and where your breath is directed is making it very hard to erm, pay attention to the show," I tell him, shifting awkwardly in my seat.

    "What do you mean?" He looks up at me confused, and then his eyes flick down to my crotch where my sweats are starting to tent. "Oh" his face turns red (why is his face turning red?) and he sits up. I'm grateful that he moved but now also missing the warmth from where he was resting. "Sorry" he mumbles. He's sitting on the couch like he did the first day; awkwardly sequestered in the corner trying not to touch me at all.

    "It's okay" I smile, and shake my head at his extreme change in demeanour. I wrap an arm around his shoulder and pull him close until I can rest my head on his shoulder. I can see him smile out of the corner of my eye, and I feel him wrap an arm around me.

    I'm incredibly grateful for the show playing on the tv for us to direct our attention to, because there's no way we could've resumed a normal conversation. I still find it weird that he gets so tense around sex, and stuff like that. last year, I went to Canada with a bunch of my friends and we all shared a hotel room. Quince started airplaying porn onto the communal tv, and none of us even gave it a second thought. I don't think Simon would be super okay with that though. Maybe it's just not who he is, and that's okay.

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