My Boy// SnowBaz ✔️

Chapter 5

Tw: swearing, masturbation 

Baz

I'm talking to one of my regulars, and see Simon and his friends leave the building out of the corner of my eye, but still manage to carry on the conversation I'm having. The guy I'm talking to is named Mitch, I'm pretty sure that's not his real name, and I'm pretty sure he has a wife. He has a ring tan on his finger and tends to keep that hand in his pocket. He pays me well usually, but today he's trying to get me for cheep.

"I don't do less than five and you know that" I set my jaw and get ready to walk away. "I'm in no way desperate enough to do it for less" I start walking and Mitch grabs my arm.

"Fine" he frowns, and I'm thinking about still walking away, I'm not liking his attitude, and fucking him is never that fun. He's slow and likes weird dirty talk, but he's a loyal customer, here every Wednesday and Saturday.

I take him up the stairs, he has his hands stuffed in his pockets like he doesn't want anyone to know he's with me, I'm still really not liking the energy, but he's already paid me, so it's not too hard to look past it. I have a job to do now, and if I get over my own pettiness I know I can enjoy it.

• • •

Mitch is the type of person that decides that everything's over once he comes, that's another reason I don't love fucking him, I either get blue balls or have to finish myself off. He always leaves pretty quick though so I don't mind too much. He's gone now and I'm finishing myself off with a fleshlight. I'm thinking about going out and getting another customer, but I'm leaving with a thousand pounds plus my twenty-five an hour from the venue.

I head backstage once again to collect my stuff, as much as I'm not ashamed of my job, I always carry my stuff in a black duffel bag, and make sure to bring a change of clothes and shoes. This isn't the best neighbourhood ( not the worst though) one time I forgot my usual sneakers and T-shirt combo and had never been so scared walking down a street. It's not a friendly place at night when you're a man wearing fishnets and makeup. I throw my heels into my bag after getting changed and get ready to head out, some of my buddies ask if I want to go out for drinks, but It's already three in the morning and I'm tired.

I decided to take a longer route home tonight, the weather's nice and I'm finding myself with a lot to think about. I'm not usually the person to get caught up on a person I just met, especially during work, but I can't stop thinking about him.

Simon

I can't stop thinking about him, is he what every gay person is like? (Probably not) There's no way everyone can be so nice. I've still kept everything that happened between us pretty hidden from Penny and the guys, but I think the quiet atmosphere of the pizza joint and the alcohol in my blood is about to change that.

"Okay Simon spill, you've been fucking glowing since we left" Penny stares me down while sipping on her coke.

"And he asked for your number what was that about?" Kai adds. I just laugh it off. "Come on dude tell usss" he persists.

"Fine!" I throw my hands in the air exasperatedly.  "Fine, but um you can't be mad at me okay?" I know how quite my voice has gotten and I know how pathetic it is.

"Simon, why would we be mad?" Jack laughs bitting into a greasy slice of pepperoni.

"We, erm, we didn't fuck, like at all" they all look dumbfounded. "I- I don't know, I just couldn't do it, and like, he was fine with that, and we ended up having a really good conversation" I explain.

"Simon" Jack looks so confused. I decide it's a good time to start a slice of pizza, I don't want to just sit in this awkwardness without having something to occupy myself with.

"I mean I got his number that's something" I try to make light of the situation. Kai doesn't seem too bothered by it and actually looks like he kind of understands.

• • •

The conversation eventually moved away from my lack of interest in sex (I never really brought up me questioning my sexuality with Baz, the conversation didn't seem quite ready for that) and we all fell back into easier talk. Jack and Kai left almost an hour ago, Penny and I have been having a nice conversation so far, but it's starting to get dry and I think we'll be leaving soon.

"Simon, I feel really bad that we didn't talk to you before, you know" she doesn't want to say it out loud and that confuses me, she's fine with paying for sex when we're in a club, but can't even say the words in a completely deserted pizza joint, I don't get it.

"It's okay, I feel bad though that you wasted your money" I admit.

"Don't feel bad about it, it's not your fault." She smiles, placing a hand on my shoulder.

"Thanks" I smile, this feels like a good time to talk to her about what we did up in that room. "I kissed him," I tell her.

"And how was that?" She smiles.

"I don't know. It really didn't feel like much, not really in a bad way, just not good either." Penny looks like she's trying really hard to figure out what I'm saying. "I talked to Baz about it" I add.

"Oh? What did he say?" She looks intrigued.

"Well, I told him that I thought I was gay because in the past when I've dated girls, we never did anything more than kiss and when we did it didn't feel like much, and I thought that meant I had to be gay, but I didn't really feel anything with Baz either...." I trailed off trying to choose my next words carefully.

"So you're not gay?" She asks, she whispers the word gay like it's a secret, that makes me a bit uneasy.

"I don't know really, we talked about asexuality, and it made a lot of sense to me, do you know what that is?" I ask guessing she probably doesn't.

"Kind of, but could you explain it to me?" She asks, she's lying she's never heard of it before she just can't handle not having the answer to everything.

"Yah sure, it's pretty much just not really possible for someone who's asexual to be sexually attracted to someone, like they can still be romantically attracted to someone, but that's about it. And it's also on a spectrum for people." I think I'm explaining it right.

"Okay that kind of makes sense, do you think that's you?" She asks.

"I'm not sure yet but I think it would make sense" I get up out of the uncomfortable booth we've been sitting at for around two hours now. "That seat is super uncomfortable, I need to walk," I tell Penny and she gets up to follow me.

I'm not sure why, but this conversation is making me nervous, and when I get nervous I need to be outside. I shove my hands in my pockets when the cold hits me, and Penny links her arm with mine while we walk. "Would you be okay with it if you were?" She asks after a bit of silence.

"Okay with what?" I ask.

"Being asexual?" She looks like she's trying to be empathetic, so I try to hide my annoyance at that question.

"I mean yeah. It's not like I really have a choice either way..." I shrug and keep walking.

"That's a good way of looking at it" She smiles, and I'm trying to not get mad, it's not like I have cancer, I just might not want sex, I don't know why she sees it as such a big negative.

"Yeah, I guess" I smile.