My Boy// SnowBaz ✔️

Chapter 25

Baz

It's been a week and I still haven't heard from Simon. I want to reach out, and attempt to mend the situation, but I don't know if it would be appreciated. It should be up to him whether or not this relationship is going to continue, but I also don't want him to assume I've moved on.

Simon

It's been a right shit week. Truly. In every sense of the word shit, that's what my week has been. I've been drowning in Uni work, and the rest of my free time has been spent agonizing over what to do with Baz.

When I told Penny what he had done, she went off. Absolutely mental. She refused to listen to the excuses I tried making for him. And at that moment it's what I needed. It felt good to be angry. Unfortunately I don't think that is what I want right now. That's actually not true, I know exactly what I want right now, I want him. But I don't want him right now, I want the him I had three weeks ago, when nothing felt broken. When we were both happy, and I wasn't worried about him fucking someone else while I was gone.

I want to find it in my heart to forgive him, and I know I can, that's not the problem. I don't know if I can trust him. I don't know if I can let him love me again. And I don't know how to continue without those things.

Baz

I make the decision to pick up my phone and text him. If I'm being honest I don't think I can call him, just the idea of listening to his voice makes me feel homesick.

Simon

I receive a text from Baz and it makes my heart stop. I want to open it right away, but I've learned that I can let my excitement cloud my judgment, so I turn off my phone. I set it down beside me and decide to make myself wait an hour before opening his text. I leave my phone where it is, and busy myself with dinner. Penny isn't home yet, but she should be back shortly so I make sure to cook enough for both of us. I never used to cook until I moved in with Pen. She insisted that I learn to cook if we were living together because she said that she 'refused to live with a man that only ate take out and microwaveable pizza pockets'.

I thought that dicing onion and sautéing garlic would busy me enough to take my mind off my phone, but I can't stop thinking about him. I shake my head trying to clear it but to no avail. I eventually cave. Once I've finished making my red sauce I put it to the side, and grab my phone. I unlock my device and watch the notification open.

Baz: hey, if we keep seeing each other or not is up to you one hundred percent, but I really miss you. Would you want to meet up?

This isn't the text I expected. I don't know what I expected, but it wasn't this. I really do miss him, and I really want to see him again, but it might come across like I'm happy to hear from him If I agree. And I am happy to hear from him, but I don't want him to know that. If he knows that I still love him, he might think what he did wasn't that bad... maybe? I don't know what to do, maybe I should just wait till Penny gets home.

I try to start making pasta, but my brain keeps drifting back to my phone. Drifting back to Baz. Fuck. I decide to put myself out of my misery, and just respond. Agreeing to meet up doesn't mean anything. We can make plans, and then we can talk everything out like adults. I know deep down, that I'm going to forgive him. What he did hurts, but it doesn't hurt as much as losing him would. And I know I'm in control of whether or not I get to keep him in my life, and I'm grateful for that.

Me: I miss you too. Tomorrow at 12?

I keep the text short, not wanting to show my hand. I know ultimately that we're going to be okay, but I think it's fair to make him work a bit for it. Not only to prove that he does care for me, but I think it will help him forgive himself a bit as well if he feels like he did something to mend the hurt. I want him to learn from his mistakes, yes. But I also don't want him to beat himself up over it for longer than is necessary.

Baz: sounds good, I can't wait to see you