𝐓𝐎 𝐇𝐄𝐋𝐋 𝐀𝐍𝐃 𝐁𝐀𝐂𝐊 [Hisoka Morow]

FAREWELL x FOR x NOW

Kira ~

I woke up to find myself lying in a bed. There were bandages on my right arm, and more around my torso. I slowly took in my unfamiliar surroundings. Where am I?

"Glad to see that you're awake."

I turned towards the voice. Hisoka sat in a chair to my right side, smiling idly down at me. Why is he here?

"What happened..." My head throbbed as I tried to recall.

For a brief moment, Hisoka's expression darkened. But just as quickly, the smile returned. "It's nothing to worry about, Sweetheart. You passed the exam."

That wasn't it. The events from yesterday began flooding back to me in a disarrayed blur. Cold dread creeped down my spine, like a careful spider leaving a thin trail of silk. I realised he was hiding the truth for my sake. I did it again...

It took over again. I let it take over. Again.

Without knowing it, I had let myself go. I had let my emotions get the better of me, almost resulting in devastation. But why? Why at a time like this? For the past few years, I've been able to maintain control. So why was I losing it now?

I remembered initially being angry at Hisoka, but during the fight, it had escalated to malicious hostility. I felt the need to hurt him, to see him writhe in a pool of his own blood. This feeling scared me, but at the same time, a part of me found it strangely pleasurable. And I hated that.

I hated that part of myself. If only it could just die.

Hisoka seemed to have picked up on my revelation, and he quickly rushed in to reassure me. "Sweetheart, it's okay. You didn't hurt me."

I looked down in shame. Hurt you? I almost killed you. And I would've, if he hadn't stopped me. In a way, he had saved me. This time, it was from myself.

Yet I couldn't meet his eyes. How could I? How could I, after nearly succeeding in shoving a knife through his chest? No, in the demonic state of mind, simply killing him wouldn't have been enough. Not nearly enough. I would've laughed while butchering him slowly, relishing his every cry of pain. I would've watched in devilish happiness as he drowned in his own blood, begging soundlessly for the mercy of death. How could I continue to look into those golden eyes of his, after I have shown such monstrous, murderous intent?

Even more, why was Hisoka still here? Why was he willing to be around me after what had happened? There was no doubt he had already seen the demon that I was. He must've realised by now that I was not a toy sword, but a double edged blade. So why was he still sitting there, gazing at me with sympathetic eyes?

He was a fool. He shouldn't be here. He wasn't safe around me. No one was safe around me.

"Kira, look at me." Hisoka placed his hand softly on mine.

I reluctantly pulled away, avoiding eye contact. "You should leave." I stated coldly. I had to keep my distance, before things got out of hand. I just had to make it through the orientation. After that, we would be going our separate ways. Anything beyond that was no longer my concern.

To my surprise, he reached out for my face, holding it firmly in his palm. He tilted my chin upwards, forcing our eyes to meet. Oh my god, what is this clown...

"Look at me."

His words burned through the air with blazing intensity, yet the iciness of his tone was capable of freezing time itself. I felt myself comply to his command. My body became instantly paralysed, as those compelling golden eyes bore into me.