Heartsick || An Izuku and Ochako story

Mind Made Up

Sorry for this lazy-ass chapter T^T

Also, you may or may not be pissed by the ending- or dare I say, cliffhanger, at the end. I'll just go into that dark and mysterious corner and cackle in sadist. 

                                .                                 .                                  .

Ochako was going to do it.

She repeated that one sentence to herself in her head. Her arms were placed firmly in her lap, clenching and unclenching, eyes fluttered shut.

They were back at the dorms, and she and Deku had changed out of their clothes- him in a shirt and shorts and her in black tights and a light blue sweater. She was sitting on the comfy couch in the common room, dawn's early light shining through the large windows and filtering through the thick curtains. Deku busied himself brewing tea for them, something she thought would start to become a tradition.

Tea would be particularly helpful as of now since it was good at calming her down when she was panicked or anxious. Ochako was both of those at the moment. 

She sighed and shifted in her seat. The screeching from the tea kettle in the kitchen was not helping matters, but the strong scent coming from there was soothing. 

Training had gone by in a flash. She still felt guilty after everything that had occurred- what was she thinking, making him jump like that? It seemed like a better idea in her head; getting him to pump up his adrenaline so he could activate float. And it had worked, but not for as long as she'd hoped. Either the results weren't very successful, or she was pushing her expectations too high.

And it wasn't just that. For a moment, he had stared at her. His emerald eyes glimmering with an emotion she didn't recognize. He looked fearless, ready to do anything. It was something she saw on the battlefield when he was eager to sacrifice himself for anyone's disposal. Deku would do it without hesitation. 

Ochako shook her head of the thoughts and focused on what she was trying to accomplish. 'I'm going to do it', she told herself again. Regardless of what she was chanting, she hadn't actually practiced what she would confess to him. There were so many words locked up in her head and heart that there was no way she would run out of something to say. For months, her feelings had remained inside- secure but painful. 

She knew the consequences would be severe, if any. For one, he could easily reject her. She was prepared for that, though. The glass wall she'd build up over the months to block her feelings would work just fine against that.

However, she had no plan for what would happen if he were to accept her love.

"Uraraka?" 

In a flash, her eyes snapped open, scanning everything that came into sudden sight. Deku was holding a cup of tea out to her, his hand hovering awkwardly.

"Oh! Sorry, Deku," Ochako replied, her voice running as smooth as a river, not a stutter to be heard. She took the cup from him, and they both sipped their tea in silence.

Second thoughts swarmed through her head. The main reason she decided not to tell him about her feelings was that she didn't want to burden him with more emotional baggage. He was training to become a hero, and she knew that his determinedness would definitely be put off if he was constantly dealing with her feelings.

She shook her head, no doubt sending up a few flares of confusion to Deku. She'd do it, she would confess. Then she could finish the rest of her years at school with ease and he wouldn't have to pay the price with her flustered actions.

"Uraraka-san?" He repeated, glancing at her with worry.

She looked up again. "Sorry, Deku...I've just been feeling weird lately." The lie curled up in her stomach, her throat itching to say what she wanted to say. "What is it?"

He shifted in his seat before pulling out a slip of paper. She peered at it curiously. Her handwriting stared back at her, smirking.

Despite all the trouble that poem had caused her, she couldn't help reading it again. The words hit her again, full force. She shifted away from the paper.

He didn't understand her sudden fear, or at least it certainly seemed that way. "You left it on the table yesterday."

"O-oh." She glanced back at it, not sure if she wanted to take it. She couldn't leave it in his hands, so Ochako gingerly folded it and tucked it into her back pocket.

"If it's okay, can I ask why you left early...?" He asked quietly, his voice a murmur.

She hugged her knees. "I was studying with Yaomomo, remember?"

His eyebrows narrowed, and she knew he could tell something was clearly wrong. She dug her head deeper between the crevice her knees and stomach had created. 

"Was it the poem?" She could barely hear him before, and now his voice was a loud echo in her ear. She looked up.

Ochako didn't know what to say. Her body just didn't have a response for that, yet her mouth worked by itself. Dry words tumbled out.

"Yeah..." she muttered. "It was the poem." 

He leaned back, staring at the ceiling. His position reminded her of when she had come with her injured foot, and he had been just staring idly at the wall, thinking.

"I didn't like it either," he agreed. 

She almost choked on her next words. What was she doing?

Confessing.

"Have you ever felt like that, Deku-kun?" Tears brimmed at her eyes. "I feel like that all the time."

She could feel his eyes staring through her head, laser hot. 

"U-uraraka, what exactly do you mean?" He was getting even more uneasy, and but she wasn't finished. Not at all.

"The poem," she clarified. Ochako turned to him, trembling now. Why was she so afraid? This was her friend. He wouldn't hate her if she told him about her feelings, would he?

She questioned him again before he could further question her. "Have you ever felt like that, Deku-kun? Have you ever loved someone and couldn't tell them because you didn't want to ruin it for both of you? Because you were afraid that they wouldn't want to be friends with you?"

He was turning red, but it wasn't from embarrassment, nor anger, nor any emotion but fear. She wasn't sure if he'd figured out that it was him she loved, but soon he would. Her words would decide just how their relationship would be after this talk. She would break it or not change it at all.

Ochako was slowly losing hope in her plan. Confess? What was she thinking...? She had chosen to not confess because...because she wasn't going to bombard him with all of these feelings- they were horrible enough for her. If that was so, what was she doing now?

"I feel like that all the time."

She looked up at him, her eyes going wider than they already were, her heart shaking. Did he love someone else? Or did he...did he love her?

He was turning red, even more so than before, but this was from embarrassment. He was too shaky to even say anything, but Ochako now had a sliver of hope. She continued, her voice strengthened. 

"Deku...I know that we're just friends. But you've inspired me, and so many other people. You're smart, strong, willing to sacrifice yourself. I guess I admired you but it's not that."

His eyes were going wide at her words. His expression made her next words soft and quiet.

"And I guess I just couldn't help but fall in love with you..."

A painful silence followed that, and she shuddered. Why oh why had she done this? 

"I guess I couldn't, either," he replied, his voice sheepish.

'What?'