Random Blog Of Life

Day Eight

It is day eight!
And the blog is still going!
*Grins*
Now to the quote I put in day six.
I thought the quote would make people laugh a bit.
It definitely made me chuckle.
The reason I picked it though, is I can relate to it a little. I think.
I love to write and sometimes I feel like I can't tell certain people.
I am not ashamed of it at all. I'm just more nervous about what they think.
When it comes to writing around certain people, I'm always afraid that they are looking at what I'm writing.
Am I embarrassed of my writing?
No. I'm just not really confident that my writing is any good. I'm planning to change that though.
Also when it seems like people are looking over your shoulder and other situations similar to that, I feel anxious and a lot of the time I can't think.
It is like I'm in a closed space and need room.
This is where the part of the quote that tells you to do in private comes in.
When I write, I like to me in my room. I'll have music playing. I'll be eating redvines and have something to drink. That something to drink is soda by the way.
We all have different ways on how we set up to write. That is just mine. My writing area.
Now the 'wash your hands afterwards' line I'm still trying to figure it out.
It could have to do with you writing something that comes from your mind that not everyone will agree with or want anything to do with.
Or it could mean something totally different.
It does make it sound that we writers are doing something wrong.
Maybe it is supposed to sound that way.
Maybe just maybe it's because a writer can feel as if people look down at what he or she does. As in writing is something someone shouldn't be doing. Writing is simply wrong.
Ultimately, the quote could be saying even though writing can be viewed as something wrong and we can be made fun of or scoffed at for doing it. We shouldn't be ashamed that we write, even though we should do it privately. The 'wash your hands afterwards' part saying wash the evidence off so that no one knows you even wrote.
In the end, writing is what you do. You shouldn't feel bad or guilty that you write. No one should be ashamed to write. If you write, then be proud you write. If you don't want people knowing, then don't tell them. It is fine that others don't know you write. Writing can be personal and some of us don't want to share it with others because we don't want to be judged.
The quote like the others can be interpreted in different ways, so don't go by just what I think of them. Let your mind wonder about them yourselves. You'll be surprised at what you come up with.
I know with my own analysis of those quotes I'm surprised at what I wrote about them. Mostly it is because as much as I think about the quotes; I don't necessarily go this in depth with them.
It is very nice to see my thoughts expand into more interesting thoughts that hopefully make sense.
There are times where I feel maybe I shouldn't say my thoughts.
To me, it seems as if I'm wrong majority of the time.
This isn't of course how I should feel, but I do.
There are days where I say the wrongs things, or people make it seem like what I said was really wrong and makes me feel like a horrible person. That I can't do anything right. It just makes it to where I'm the bad guy or I'm just wrong all around.
I shouldn't let it get to me.
Even though someone shouldn't let it get to them, let's be honest it gets to them.
People can say don't let it get to you.
Here is the thing though, it is easier said than done.
Also it's in your mind.
When I feel like a bad person or that I can't do anything right, I know it's in my head.
Some people can say stuff to make me feel this way, but it's me who takes it farther then it needs to be.
I'm the one who feels bad. I'm the one who takes it a bit far and me feel worse about it then I already did.
In my head, I make mistakes to where I am the bad person. I am the one who can't do anything right.
Its all in my mindset. I do plan to change that somehow.
I don't know if I can change it completely, but I can change it to where it is not this bad or bothers me as much as it does.
I am not a bad person by any means.
I am too nice for my own good. Yes.
I care a lot about people, especially my friends and family. Yes.
Do I need to start doing stuff for myself? Yes.
Do I need to ignore the people who talk negative when I actually do something for myself? Yes.
It's hard though. I will say that since I started this blog it is one of my goals to not only gain confidence, but to be able to do something I want to do. Do something for me for a change.
When we all look at it, we live our lives. No one lives it for us. We choose the paths we take. Sometimes though the paths we choose isn't right for us or we choose the path to make others around us happy.
I want to be happy about myself.
I want to do what I want to do.
I want to be me.
This blog represents me.
Writing is what I want to do. It makes me happy.
Teaching is what I can picture myself doing. I also picture myself writing or doing something with music.
For right now though my choice is to focus on being able to teach and to write.
This is what I want to do.
This is what makes me happy.
I feel as if I just got smacked in the face right now.
I am doing what I want to do. I am happy. After all these years it took me now to realize that doing what I want to do, makes me happy. I am finally in a happy spot or place. However you would like to call it.
Well I think I shall end it here.
But first the quote:
"I went for years not finishing anything. Because, of course, when you finish something you can be judged."
-Erica Jong
*Puts on aviator sunglasses*
Ciao!
~Raiden