Random Blog Of Life

Day Eighteen

It is the middle of week three.
I must say it has been so far a...well it hasn't been horrible, but it hasn't been great either.
It is like I am breaking with every step I try to take.
It is one of those this happened then this happened and so forth.
All of which are not good things that happened.
They are all bad.
It is like no matter how hard I try to move myself forward and I will get there in the littlest tiniest bit and then get set back miles from where I began.
Okay maybe that's a little exaggerated.
Only a little.
Going forth to the quote by Sylvia Plath.
Everything in life is writable.
It is true.
We can write about life in many different ways.
We can write about all the experiences we had or want.
We just have to be brave enough to do it and creative enough to make the scene or experience even better than it actually was.
Now the last sentence.
I have to agree.
Self-doubt is not only an enemy with creativity, but it is an enemy to a lot of different areas.
If you have self-doubt it is obvious for many reasons that you don't exceed much in anything because you're so unsure.
We all have some self-doubt in some way.
Yes?
I know I do.
Just a little.
It isn't a lot of self-doubt, but it is still there.
To me, self-doubt is the person I see in the mirror.
I see deep into the person's eyes and see pain.
I see the sadness.
I see the heartache.
This person I see in the mirror isn't me.
It is me looking at a stranger.
I don't know who it is, but I don't like it.
Well this isn't exactly self-doubt.
This is just how I see myself.
Wait maybe it is because this is what I see myself as.
This part isn't really self-doubt, but what I see in myself is.
If that makes sense.
Hopefully it does.
I don't see a beautiful or pretty girl in the mirror.
I don't see a confident girl.
I see a girl who is small.
Who can't do anything right.
No matter what she does, it never goes well.
Of course it isn't true.
All the time, but then again you can't expect everything to go well.
Its life it isn't going to make everything easier for you.
You have to work for it.
There are people who probably sit there and go 'why did life hit me hard'. Hit hard and stay that way. Always the struggle.
Maybe it is because we are given the life knowing we can get through it if we choose to.
We all know some of us just don't want to go through it anymore.
It isn't always the answer, but it is an option some people take.
What I'm talking about is suicide or just plainly giving up.
You can't give up your life.
You have to work hard.
Sooner or later you will succeed right?
Or you realize that what you have right in front of you is what you wanted all along. What makes you happy.
Life is random.
Life gives you obstacles.
Life gives you happiness.
Life gives you pain.
You never know really what life will give you the next day.
It is something to think about.
What is life to you?
How are you handling life?
I'll answer these questions along with this quote tomorrow.
Quote:
"The most important things are the hardest to say. They are the things you get ashamed of, because words diminish them -- words shrink things that seemed limitless when they were in your head to no more than living size when they're brought out. But it's more than that, isn't it? The most important things lie too close to wherever your secret heart is buried, like landmarks to a treasure your enemies would love to steal away. And you may make revelations that cost you dearly only to have people look at you in a funny way, not understanding what you've said at all, or why you thought it was so important that you almost cried while you were saying it. That's the worst, I think. When the secret stays locked within not for want of a tellar but for want of an understanding ear."
― Stephen King, Different Seasons
*Puts aviator sunglasses on*
Ciao!
~Raiden