Just Close Enough to Burn (station 19)

Poor Wandering One

Dear Diary,

I got up early to study this morning since I spent most of my study time yesterday hanging with Maya. Of course Carina was still here, meaning I couldn't really focus in the apartment, so I went to the station early to get some work done. I was sitting at the desk when Pruitt walked in. He asked what I was doing there so early, and I laughed saying I could ask him the same, especially since the PRT was down for maintenance today. He told me he came to steal Warren for something; I don't know what it is, but he was being weirdly cryptic so I just changed the subject. He asked about school and I assured him I was keeping up with my studies, telling him that was precisely the reason I came into the station early. We chatted for a while before he headed off to do whatever it is with Ben, but made me promise to come by for a cup of coffee some time this week.

I was still sitting there studying when we got an aid car call. I jumped up, ran to the rig, and waited for Jack and Andy. When she got in, Andy turned around to talk to me. She looked really confused.

"Maya just tried to give me her job" Andy blurted out before Jack got in.

Mattie was sure she had misheard her, "She what??"

"Yeah, she called a meeting with me and Sullivan and told him that he had made a mistake and that she didn't want to be captain anymore," Andy explained.

Mattie just sat there staring at her, mouth gaping, in shock.

"Do you have any idea what that's about?" Andy asked as Jack got in the car. He could tell he missed something so just tuned most of the conversation out.

"I mean, I know yesterday was really hard on her," Mattie started, "But I didn't think she'd do anything that extreme."

Andy didn't quite follow, "What do you mean?"

Mattie paused a moment to figure out where to start, then said "She really feels like she fucked up. I think that meeting was a desperate attempt to save your friendship and this team as a whole. She feels like she's losing everyone."

"She's the one that took the job!" Andy exclaimed. "Did she really think we'd be totally fine after that?"

"I don't know what she was thinking," Mattie started, then asked, "But, can I be really honest with you for a second?"

Andy nodded so Mattie went on, "I know that you're mad, and that's super valid, I would be too. But she thinks you actually hate her, so if you don't, you need to let her know somehow, even if you're still mad."

Andy countered saying, "It's Maya. I'm sure she's fine."

Nodding, Mattie said, "Yeah, normally I'd think so too. It's Maya, she's kinda indestructible. But she literally cried herself to sleep in my arms yesterday. This is different." She could see the look of surprise on Andy's face but kept going, "So if you really hate her, fine. But if you don't, you've got to do something so she knows."

Before we could finish talking, we got to the scene and headed inside. All we were told was that someone had been injured in a military surplus store, but when we walked in, there was an ongoing assault. Andy called for back-up and we tried to get everyone calm. We found out that the guy with the knife was a veteran, so Andy told dispatch we needed Sullivan down there ASAP. Thankfully he arrived pretty quickly, and stepped in to take control of the scene. We hoped that being able to talk veteran to veteran would help to deescalate the situation. Sure enough, Sullivan was able to calm the guy down enough that we could get our patient out to the rig.

Jack and I brought him out, but Andy refused to leave. It caught me off guard that she went back in. The way she looked back at Sullivan made me wonder if they're a thing again. Maya shot me a look that said she was wondering the same thing. We got our guy bandaged up and drove him to the hospital. Maya told us to come right back just in case anything happened. Jack and I talked on our way back and it was kinda strange; we're hardly ever alone together. He asked if any of my friends at Grey Sloan have told me anything about Rigo. I told him that he was doing really well, and was being discharged later in the day. He seemed relieved to hear it, but still said he was thinking about transferring. I told him that was insane; he couldn't just leave the team. He tried to say that everyone hated him, but I assured him we didn't. I used Maya as an example, asking if he hated her. He said that of course he didn't. I said that  it was the same way with him; he messed up, big time, but that didn't mean we hated him. He's family, and we forgive our family eventually.

When we got back to the scene, Maya had me on standby. She wanted me ready at the rig if anyone got hurt, saying that the guy had picked up a grenade while we were out, and with the amount of other amo in the store, it could be really really bad.  All I could do was sit and wait, hoping that Andy and Sullivan would be able to talk the guy down before the whole block exploded. I do have to admit that as stressful as the situation was, it was a little amusing to watch Travis yell at Emmett as he struggled to keep up. I felt a little bad but he just looked like a deer in headlights. It was also nice to see Maya making decent calls. It felt like she might finally be coming into her own as captain.

The best part of the whole day though, was watching Maya go toe to toe with Dixon. He got right in her face yelling about how her time was up and he was sending the cops in, but she didn't back down. She yelled right back at him, saying that he was putting her people in danger. It was so badass and I couldn't wait to tell her how awesome it was. It was the first time in weeks that I felt proud of her at work instead of annoyed, and I have to say it felt amazing.

A few minutes later, Sullivan and Herrera came out with our subject and I was so relieved that everyone was safe. I kept watching Andy and Sullivan, and saw all the subtle glances, the way they always managed to stand near each other, etc. and knew that they were definitely back together.

When we got back to the station, Andy told Maya that she had done well as captain with that call, and I was really glad to see that she heard what I said. I was even happier to know that she didn't really hate her. It's been really tough to have the two of them fighting, and I can't wait for the day things go back to normal. An hour or so after that, a bunch of us were hanging in the lounge watching the news when a story about Captain Herrera came on. Apparently the secret errand he needed Warren for was placing boots on the steps of city hall to represent firefighters we lost to cancer in the last year. It was incredible. Andy and I shared a look and we were both beaming with pride. I know he isn't actually my dad, but he's been the closest thing I've had to one for the past 16 years.

Later that night, I headed into the beanery to help with dinner and saw Maya and Andy actually talking. I slipped into a doorway in the hall so I could listen, and could've cried I was so happy. Andy actually said that they were going to be okay, they were cracking jokes, they almost seemed like real friends again. Travis headed toward the beanery, saw me hiding in the doorway and pulled me into the kitchen with him. We were all joking, laughing, and were actually happy to be together for the first time in a while when Sullivan came in. He looked somber, and we all stopped what we were doing to see what was going on. He told us that Eva called: Rigo had died.

I called Bailey to see what had happened and she told me that he threw a PE right before they were going to discharge him. They tried to clear it and resuscitate, but he didn't make it. I relayed the information to the rest of the team, telling them it was a rare, weird, fluke thing. None of us could fully comprehend that it was real, especially since he was finally ready to go home, and the rest of the night was spent in near silence. After dinner, I headed to my bunk to try to get some rest, and I hope to god we don't have any intense calls in the middle of the night.

-Mattie