Just Close Enough to Burn (station 19)

What I Did For Love

Dear Diary,

I'm not sure what to say about today.... so I guess I'll just start where I left off.

Schmitt texted me to say that Ripley had collapsed and was at Grey Sloan. I called Vic as I rushed to the hospital and left at least 14 messages, but she wasn't responding. I tried to call Trav too but he didn't answer either. Finally I got a hold of Andy and she, Sullivan, and Warren immediately left to meet me at the hospital. When I got there I headed to the ER. I've never been that close with Ripley so I didn't go right to his bedside, but made sure I was close enough that I could see who was treating him and get all the information I could.

He was still unconscious when I got there, so I waited for Andy to arrive as I monitored the situation. Once the 19 team got there, they headed into the room so I followed. Of course Schmitt let it slip that Ripley was buying flowers for Vic when he collapsed, although he thought Vic was a guy haha. Anyway, Andy and Ben totally lost their minds at the news. Sullivan didn't seem phased by it so I guess he knew too. It makes sense, he and Ripley were best friends after all. Shortly after, Ripley woke up and immediately asked for Vic. Sullivan, Ben, Andy, and I left the room to give the docs room to work and make sure he was okay.

As we headed towards the waiting room, Andy started talking about how crazy it was that Vic was dating the chief. I tried to act surprised, but Andy saw right through me. She couldn't understand why Vic had told me, I mean we're friends, but I'm not Travis or anything. I reassured her that Vic didn't tell me, I just figured it out. The way they were looking at each other, the oddly frequent check ins at 19, the way she always seemed a little flustered when he was around, I just kinda put the pieces together.

Once they admitted him for observation and to prep him for a simple surgery, we all headed up to keep him company. He insisted that he go see Vic before anything else. Apparently Vic had proposed?! I knew she probably loved him but damn, they really moved quickly. Anyway, Ripley got mad when they said he couldn't leave and asked all of us to get out of the room. He seemed stable and mostly fine so I went to check in on Gus, the little boy with Rh null blood. They've been waiting to find a donor for over a week and today they finally thought they had one. I wanted to share in the joy so I headed over to his room. Also Jo was there so I figured I'd check in on her.

When I got to Gus's room, Jo was telling the mom that she had made a mistake and that there wasn't a donor. Jo totally broke down and ended up sobbing on the poor mom. Alex got there as soon as I did and peeled her off, leading her out of the room. She shook out of his grasp when they got into the hallway so I took her hand and brought her into the empty patient room next door. I sat down on the bed next to her, wrapped her in a hug, and held her as tightly as I possibly could. I'm not sure how long we were sitting there, but she sobbed into my arms for what felt like forever. I still don't know what is going on with her, but something clearly broke today. I didn't know what else to do but hold her and let her cry it out. Eventually Jo calmed down enough that Alex could take her home and I told him to let me know if he found out anything, or if anything happened. He nodded in agreement and, although he looked so defeated and helpless, took his wife home.

I went to find the 19 crew and get an update on Ripley. Maggie saw something wrong with his calcium levels (which for the record is super super bad) and went to tell him, but they walked into an empty room. Ripley had left. They were going to try to find him, so Andy texted me to meet them in the ambulance bay. I raced downstairs and hopped into the rig. We tore off to get to Vic, hoping that if we found her, we'd find Ripley.

Sullivan finally got a hold of Ripley and told him that he might have been exposed to hydrofluoric acid and that he needed to get to a hospital asap. Recognizing the urgency of the situation, he agreed to get to a hospital and pulled into Seattle Pres. We promised to bring Vic to him so he could explain and raced back to the coffee plant to get her. As we were pulling in, Maggie called me to say that she was at Seattle Pres to treat Ripley, and asked if we had Vic yet.  We thought it would be pretty straight forward, but by the time we got there Vic was gone. She left to get to another call so, again, we had to track her down.

Of course, when we got to the second call, Vic was on top of a cell tower coaxing down a civilian. We walkied up to Hughes trying to get her to come down but she refused. Andy wanted to replace her but Vic said that would only make the situation worse. Finally, we agreed to just tell her over the radio and passed the walkie over to Travis. If anyone was going to tell her, it had to be him.

We listened in as Vic talked to our civilian and convinced her everything would be okay. Eventually, Hughes was able to climb down with the victim. As soon as her feet hit the ground we started up the rig, ready to drive off the second she jumped in. I sat in the back with her trying to keep her calm but that was a pretty impossible task. By the time we got there, Ripley's sister Jennifer was at the nurses station looking for her brother.

When Maggie came out with an update she couldn't tell us anything. She only gave news to Jennifer, because it was 'family only.' I tried to convince Maggie that Vic was just as much his family but she said there was nothing she could do; Jennifer had the control here. The only information we could get was that things had escalated. Vic seemed so out of it, none of us really knew what to do. Andy turned to me and whispered "yelling closet?" I nodded; that was definitely what she needed. Andy pulled her out of the waiting room and led her down the hall. While they were there, Maggie came to get Vic. I guess Jennifer finally came around and agreed to let her be there to get updates; at least that's what Andy said when she came back alone.

I figured I wouldn't see Vic for a while after that, but she came back to the waiting room a minute later. I saw Maggie's face and knew that there was nothing she could do. Ripley was going to die. Vic just stood there, fiddling with some toy car, saying she couldn't go yet. Sullivan took his turn to say goodbye and headed out. Andy and I just sat on the arms of Vic's chair, trying to be there for her but not really knowing what to say. What are you supposed to say to someone who knows their fiance is about to die? I've never been there before. I don't.. Well I guess the closest I've ever been was when Denny died and Izzy was inconsolable, but hell I was just a kid then. Plus she never saw it coming.

When Sullivan got back he told Vic that Ripley was asking for her. It was time; she had to go say goodbye. Travis walked her out and I got up from the arm of the chair. At that point Maya and Dean had shown up and I could tell that Maya was really confused. I went over and quietly explained the situation to her. I told her everything from when they started seeing each other to the fact that Vic had proposed. As Vic's friend, Maya needed to know, but we didn't need the whole department knowing every detail.

We were all waiting outside the room when Vic came out. We knew it was over. She walked past everyone and right out of the hospital. After a minute Travis went after her and took her back to the station.

Later that night, after talking with Sullivan and Jennifer about funeral plans, Vic climbed on top of the engine to lay on the hoses. Andy climbed up too to lay there with her, then Maya, then me. We just curled around her making sure that at the very least she knew she wasn't alone. One by one everyone hopped up on top of the engine. Travis was the last one to make it up, but Maya and I slid over to make room so he could slide in right next to Vic. I think we laid there for an hour at least before Vic was ready to go home. She didn't really want to go back to her place; it would just remind her of how much she missed Ripley, so Maya, Andy, and I brought her back to our place. We got her to sleep in my room so I went and crashed with Maya. I don't know what the next few days are going to look like, but I can't imagine they're going to be easy.

-Mattie