Just Close Enough to Burn (station 19)

The Ghosts That Haunt Me

Dear Diary,

We had a spaghetti dinner to raise money for Pruitt's funeral tonight so I spent a lot of my day getting ready for it. I went into the station early because the calendars finally came in and I wanted to see how everyone's pictures came out. It was embarrassing to see my own, but nothing could top seeing Jack as a half naked farmer with a carrot hanging out of his mouth. As we were looking and laughing, Andy walked in. I didn't know she was coming back today so it was a nice surprise to see her. And see her functioning. We all hugged her and welcomed her back. Later on I was down at reception getting signs ready to put out front so everyone would know about the fundraiser when Carina walked in. I waved hello and smirked as she walked right into Maya's office. I spend enough time just a wall away from them at home, so I got a little more distance and went up to the beanery to make sure we had enough plates for later.

The alarm went off and I watched as everyone left to get to a bowling alley fire. A few seconds later my phone buzzed; it was a text from Maya. It read "My mom is here. In my office. Please get rid of her." Maya never talks about her mom, I have no idea when the last time she even saw her was, so I was stunned to hear that she had come to the station. I went downstairs and poked my head into Maya's office but didn't see her mom. I figured she left on her own and put the signs out in front of the station then walked around the block putting up flyers. When I got back, I headed into the barn to get tables set up. A blond woman, probably in her 50s, walked in and asked if she could help.

"Mrs. Bishop?" Mattie asked.

The woman smiled, "Yes, how did you know?"

Mattie laughed, "You're the only person in the station I didn't recognize. And Maya mentioned you stopped by." Extending a hand she said, "I'm Mattie. It's really nice to meet you."

"Are you one of the firefighters?" Mrs. Bishop asked.

"No," Mattie responded. "I'm not a firefighter. I'm in med school and work here as a paramedic a few times a week. So Maya is my boss, but she's also my roommate." Mattie laughed as she explained "She's one of my best friends and we've lived together for the past two years."

"Oh wow," Mrs. Bishop responded. "Well it's really nice to meet you then" she said as she pulled Mattie into a hug.

Mrs. Bishop offered to help set things up and I know that Maya asked me to get rid of her, but I let her stay. I could use the help and she seemed so nice. We chatted for a while as we worked and the more I talked to her, the less I understood why Maya wanted her gone. She asked me about school and things at the station and my friendship with her daughter. It seemed like she just wanted to re-establish a relationship with her. Bailey showed up to drop off a donation box an hour or so later. She heard Ben and Sullivan yelling in the chief's office (about something I've yet to figure out) and went up to talk to her husband, saying that she'd see me later with Tuck and Joey.

After a while, Carina came back to help get things ready and I was really happy to see her. She walked over towards me and Mrs. Bishop and I pulled her into a side hug as I said hi. Maya's mom seemed confused so I started to introduce them, but apparently they had already met briefly this morning. Mrs. Bishop asked me if I knew Carina because I live with Maya, but I explained that Carina and I were friends before they even met. It's just a coincidence that they're uh.. "friends" now too. The three of us talked as we got things ready and Carina asked how Maya's mom was doing after leaving her dad. That was the first I had heard of it, so I listened carefully to figure out what was going on. Mrs. Bishop told us some stories about how abusive her husband was. She outlined some similar stories to those Maya told me a month or so back but there was so much more. Not only was he really intense with Maya's training, but he was manipulative, emotionally and verbally abusive, and acted that way with the entire family.

Carina and I just looked at each other, not knowing what to say. It broke my heart all over again thinking about how Maya grew up. Mrs. Bishop changed the topic and started asking me more about the station and how her daughter was as a captain. A few minutes later the team got back and Maya seemed really mad that her mom was still there. She was also annoyed that her mom had said that her dad was abusive. She just thought he was tough on her, but he didn't hit them so she figured it couldn't have been abuse. Carina tried to comfort Maya, but she pulled away and stormed off to her office. Mrs. Bishop said that she should probably go and left without even really saying goodbye, leaving Carina and I staring blankly at each other. Neither of us knew what to do. I told her that the last time I talked to Maya about her dad it led to a nasty fight and I didn't really want that to happen again. Carina said that she would go talk to her. She thought it might be better coming from someone who can relate; her own dad was emotionally abusive and manipulative with her and Andrew when they were younger. I agreed and watched as she walked into Maya's office.

She came out a few minutes later shaking her head. Walking back over toward me, Carina said that Maya was in denial; she kept repeating that her father wasn't abusive. She said that Maya was crying but said she wasn't upset, just angry. I told Carina I'd try to talk to her, but I wasn't going to push anything with her dad. We both agreed it was probably a good idea for her to have someone that was just there for her, denial or not. I was hoping that if I didn't try to convince her of anything (even if I knew it was true) she might talk to me about it and come to the conclusion on her own. And either way, she needs to feel supported.

Knocking on the door, Mattie walked into Maya's office. She was sitting at her desk, tears in her eyes, fuming.

Before Mattie could say anything, Maya yelled at her. "Oh my god I don't want to talk about it!"

Expecting her to lash out, Mattie stayed calm. "I'm not here to talk about your dad. I promise." Mattie said as she walked over toward the desk. Maya looked down, avoiding making eye contact, but Mattie continued, "But people are starting to show up to the dinner and it is customary for the captain to make an appearance."

Standing behind her chair, Mattie wrapped her arms around Maya's shoulders. "So take a minute if you need it, and then we're gonna go out there and feed some people mediocre spaghetti and raise some money! Okay?"

Maya chuckled a little, took a deep breath, and stood up.

I was glad Maya wasn't mad at me for not getting rid of her mom and that I was able to help calm her down enough to be a person again. Carina texted me later to check in, saying that Maya had ignored her messages, but I told her things would probably be okay tomorrow. And that for now Maya was doing a little better.

As the night went on and everyone was eating, Sullivan announced that we got the funding we needed for Pruitt's line of duty funeral. Dixon had approved it, finally. Then he announced that he and Andy are together. Not only that, but he announced that they got married. Everyone looked shocked and I tried my best not to show that I already knew. While everybody else was clapping, I looked at Andy and she didn't look excited; she looked nervous. I couldn't get her alone long enough to ask her about it tonight, so I'll have to check in with her tomorrow.

The rest of the night went alright. Maya mingled for a little bit, at least long enough for people to remember seeing her, before she went home. I stayed back to help clean up and got home an hour or so later. Maya was wrapped in a blanket on the couch with the TV on but it didn't look like she was really watching it. I sat down on the other end of the couch, looked to see what was on the screen, and turned to face her. I asked if she was alright and she said she was fine. I didn't want to push it, so I just said okay, and reminded her that I was here if she needed anything before heading to my room. I don't know what's going to happen with all of this. Hopefully Maya won't stay mad at Carina for long, and I'm really hoping that she actually recognizes and deals with everything about her dad. But I guess only time will tell.

-Mattie