Just Close Enough to Burn (station 19)

Dream a Little Dream of Me

Dear Diary,

I wasn't on call today, but planned on going into the station anyway because Maya had her hearing with Chief Dixon this afternoon. As I was getting ready, Sullivan called me. I was a little confused, but answered to see what was going on. It's been three days since Captain Herrera died and Andy has been at Sullivan's the whole time. Since I'm the only one who knows that she's there (well Maya does too but Sullivan doesn't know that) I figured he was calling about Andy. He had taken a few days off to be with her, but this morning he got called in for a meeting that he couldn't reschedule. He wanted to know if I would come over to be with Andy while he was gone. Of course I agreed and got there as soon as I could.

Andy was asleep when I got to Sullivan's house so he met me downstairs and gave me an update. He said she really hadn't been sleeping well, or eating, and was still just kind of a mess. I nodded and thanked him for taking such good care of her. Once he left, I went up to check on Andy. She was just waking up as I walked in.

"Mattie?" Andy asked, still groggy.

"Hey," Mattie smiled. "Sullivan got called into work for a little bit so I thought I'd come see how you were doing."

Andy just nodded as she sat up and pushed her tangled hair behind her ear.

Mattie walked over to the window. "Casas brillantes," she said as she opened the blinds.

"Corazones brillantes" Andy said, finishing the phrase as her eyes welled up again.

Mattie sat down on the bed next to her and put an arm around Andy's shoulder. She melted into the embrace and they sat in silence for a while, taking comfort in the other's presence.

I stayed with Andy for a couple hours until Sullivan got back. We talked for a while, reminiscing about our childhoods and telling stories about her dad. As we chatted, she asked if I remembered going through a phase when I was like 12 where I wanted to braid everyone's hair. I laughed, of course I remembered, I even tried to braid Ryan's hair at one point. She admitted that she probably enjoyed it as much as I did; she loved having people play with her hair. With that in mind, I asked if I could braid her hair then. She nodded and grabbed a brush from the bathroom. I slowly combed through her messy locks and section by section, carefully pulled her hair back into a dutch braid.

By the time Sullivan got home it was a little after one and Andy was asleep again with her head on a pillow in my lap. I was focused on my clinical notes so I didn't hear him walk in and jumped when I saw him in the doorway. I slipped off the bed without waking Andy to go talk to Sullivan. I told him I finally got a brush through her hair and got her to eat a little something, and that she'd been asleep for almost an hour when he got back. He seemed glad to hear it and thanked me again for coming to be with her.

Checking the time, I headed right to the station, hoping I could get there before Maya's meeting with Dixon started. Not that she needed it, but I wanted to wish her luck. When I arrived, I saw Warren trying to get handcuffs off of a pair of teenagers... It was definitely an interesting sight. I quickly asked if Dixon was there yet and he said that they went into the meeting about 15 minutes before I got there. I sighed and was headed inside when one of the handcuffed teenagers started seizing and dropped to the ground. I ran back to help as probie called for the rest of the team. Maya came running out to assess the situation, but Ben quickly sent her back to the meeting. I stopped her on her way in to remind her that she's a great captain and we all had her back before sending her on her way.

After a few minutes and some lorazepam we got the seizure under control. Once Warren had her loaded into the PRT and ready for transport, I headed into the station and waited at the reception desk to hear how Maya's meeting went. Vic waited with me and walked into Maya's office the second Dixon walked out. She brought her over to a box of costumes and props and told her to pick a month and get dressed up. Apparently Vic was putting together a calendar to raise money for Captain Herrera's line of duty funeral. Dixon has been the worst (shocker right?) and is refusing to pay for it claiming that he was a civilian when he died. I told Vic not to worry about it, the funding would come through but she said she didn't trust Dixon and was gonna do everything she could to raise the money without him. I tried to say it didn't matter what Dixon said, but she wasn't listening. Plus it was amusing to watch, so I just let her keep going with it, knowing full well that I'd donate whatever we needed to make sure Captain Herrera gets the funeral he deserves. I still have almost $17 million in the bank that my dad left me so I would happily cover whatever was needed. Still, Dixon should pay for it on principle and that's what I'll keep fighting for... while anonymously dropping large donations in the boot.

Anyway, Vic made Maya get dressed up in a red bathing suit and turnout pants and then pose with a pool float shaped like a unicorn. Travis and I watched as Maya floundered with modeling. Trav tried to help by coaching her from the sidelines but I couldn't stop laughing long enough to actually be helpful. Eventually, Travis got up to demonstrate as Maya threatened to kick Vic's ass, and mine. I stopped laughing as I saw Vic's face drop. We all stopped and sat down next to her as she told us she was just really sad. We all took a moment to sit together in the sadness that comes with losing our captain. It didn't last long though; we got called out to meet the engine team. They had been called out earlier to a reported gas leak, but now there was a full blown fire inside. I wasn't actually on duty, but I felt like joining so I hopped in the aid car with Travis. When we got there, Dean pulled us aside to tell us that we couldn't leave the family alone; the man was abusing his wife and step-son.

I went over with Maya to talk to the mom and kid and saw the little boy signing. I took a semester of ASL in college (not much but at least I know a little something) and greeted him, introduced myself, and asked how he was doing. We had a brief conversation before Jack came over. He told the husband that we were taking the mom and kid to Grey Sloan, but then as we loaded them into the rig, he asked Travis and I to take them to Marsha's apartment. We nodded and drove off, glad that we could help them get out of an abusive situation. I have to admit, Jack was pretty incredible today. I've always known he's a good guy but today, he was exceptional.

When we got back to the station, Vic asked what month I wanted. I laughed saying I thought that was only for firefighters but she said I wasn't getting out of it that easily. Before I could object, she pulled out a costume and told me I could take June. I got dressed up in a white crop top and rainbow tutu. She handed me a stethoscope and told me to hold it 'seductively' as if there's actually a way to do that. I felt so incredibly awkward, and of course Maya came to laugh at me as payback for laughing at her, but eventually Vic got a picture that she deemed acceptable.

Later that night, we were in the beanery making dinner when Emmett interrupted the conversation to tell us he's gay. We all just stopped and looked at him, extra confused because his dad had just announced his engagement to his girlfriend earlier that day. Maya shook his hand and welcomed him to the club: "Seattle Fire Queers" saying that she's only half gay but it still counts. I laughed and said I was only half gay too and not actually a firefighter, but it also still counted. Then I fist bumped Emmett and welcomed him to the club too. Eventually, Vic got everyone to agree to a month and finished with her little photoshoot while Travis, Maya, and I finished cooking and chuckled knowing the torture the rest of the group was about to face.

After dinner, I headed home and Giuls came over to watch a movie. She came by to check in on me the day after Pruitt died and I was still a total mess, so she seemed relieved to see me looking and acting more normal tonight. I'm still not really okay, but I'm not a total disaster so at least it's an improvement. Giuls's mom got back yesterday, so she could actually spend the night this time. I grinned, knowing that Maya wouldn't be home until the morning and pushed Guils down onto the couch. I don't think I have to say much more, but it was really great to feel something other than sad.

-Mattie