Just Close Enough to Burn (station 19)

Here It Comes Again

Dear Diary,

It's been an interesting day. It started with Carina freaking out about submitting her resignation to Bailey. To be fair I'd be super nervous too but I think she tried on her entire wardrobe in a panic this morning. Anyway, Maya and I were going to wait for her so we could all drive over together but we eventually had to go so we wouldn't be late to the station.

On the way over I got a text from Vic that said "Satan is coming." I told Maya asking if she knew what in the world that meant but neither of us had a clue. I called her while Maya drove and as soon as she picked up we both laughed and asked what the hell that meant. The answer wasn't quite as funny though: Dixon was coming to the station.

We walked in just after he got there and he immediately followed Maya into her office. He clearly didn't care that the station wasn't open to visitors. Anyway, I waited at the front desk trying to hear through the glass. The only thing I heard was him laughing about Maya's haircut as he opened the door. My blood was boiling, but then he turned his attention to Sullivan, making fun of the fact that he's a probie again. Andy and I shared a look of disgust before she walked away from him. Of course Vic and Trav had perfect timing and came bursting through the door to warn us all about Dixon's arrival... oops too late.

Once Satan finally left, I headed into Maya's office to get the scoop. She said he told her to "put a muzzle" on Dean and stop this whole lawsuit from happening. The nerve of this guy just astounds me. He's such an asshole. We vented about it for a few minutes but Maya looked just as freaked out as she did mad. Before I could ask her about it we got called out to a fire at an ice rink which felt... oxymoronic to say the least.

When we got there we saw a zamboni on fire going rogue out on the ice. Not only that, but the driver had fallen and was hurt and trapped in the middle of the rink. As they went in for the rescue, they kept falling. I tried to convince Maya to let me put skates on and go get him but she refused, saying that I knew I wasn't allowed into fires, I could only treat patients once they were out of danger. Plus skating around a flaming zamboni was a crazy idea. Ugh.

They eventually got him off the ice and I transported the patient to Grey Sloan before heading back to the station. When I got there I saw that Carina was there talking to Ben. I asked her how it went with Bailey and apparently it went really well, or about as well as it could have. Every time I hear her talk about leaving it feels like a weird dream. It seemed impossible to get it to stick in my head because the thought of losing her and Maya is just so crazy. But hearing her talk about how bad it is over there, I get why she wants to go.

She got choked up telling Ben about it so I reached over and put my hand on her arm. She took my hand, gave it a squeeze before she kept talking and didn't let go. Well, until a couple showed up and we quickly realized that the woman was in labor. Good thing Carina was there.

We realized we didn't have time to get her to the hospital, so Carina would have to deliver the baby at the station. She looked over at me and asked if I was ready to help. Since I haven't had clinical hours during quarantine, she said I could help her with the delivery. I was soooo excited! But then Carina realized that the baby was breech, and all my happy energy turned to nerves.

Carina figured out a way to get the baby out safely and everything seemed to be going well until the dad collapsed. I immediately jumped up to check on him and realized that he didn't have a pulse. Ben came to help me as I started compressions. Miller and Herrera showed up a few minutes later as we were still working to get a pulse back and they took him to the hospital... or at least they were going to try to take him to the hospital. Every hospital said that they didn't have any room, which is terrifying.

I went back to helping Carina but mostly I was just trying to help keep the mom calm. Luckily Carina was able to deliver safely, but you could tell that as relieved as the mom was to have a healthy baby girl, she was going out of her mind with worry. We all waited anxiously for an update and I finally got a text from Andy saying that they got a pulse back and they got him a bed. We all breathed a sigh of relief and were able to relish in the magic of a mom meeting her newborn baby.

When the rest of the team got back, Vic told me that they managed to get the fire out by going out on the ice in skates and chasing it down with CO2. I was sooo jealous and immediately turned to Maya asking if she seriously let them go out on the ice but she wouldn't let me. She just laughed and playfully punched my arm as she walked out and off to find Carina.

I rolled my eyes and followed Vic up to the beanery to hang out while she heated up perogies from her parents' restaurant. We chatted for a while, mostly about nothing, and it felt good to laugh, especially in hindsight. Anyway a few minutes later I saw Carina leave and expected Maya to come join us upstairs but she never showed up. I went downstairs to see where she was and found her in her office. I poked my head in and she looked so sad. I asked what was going on and she said that she wasn't going to Italy.

My first thought was that something had happened between her and Carina but she explained that there was just too much happening here for her to be able to leave. Carina still had to go, but she had to stay and she hated the idea of being so far apart for weeks or months or who knows how long. I think she was also feeling overwhelmed by everything happening with PD and the lawsuit. I let her vent for a while and validated her feelings before telling her that there were perogies upstairs that might cheer her up. She laughed and I gave her a quick hug before we headed upstairs to join everyone.

That's when Ben came into the lounge and turned on the news. We all sat silently as we took in the images coming out of Minneapolis. Police officers had killed another Black man. We all just stared at each other, not knowing what to say. Eventually everyone just dispersed quietly and waited out the end of the shift. I don't even know what to say. This just has to stop.

-Mattie