Just Close Enough to Burn (station 19)

I'll Be Seeing You

Dear Diary,

Okay so I haven't written in a few days so let me give you my highlights from the week. I hung out with Giuls a lot and we talked about the fact that her mom comes back from her tour next week. She said she wanted me to come over for a family dinner so I could meet her. I was more than happy to agree and can't wait to meet Giuls's mom. I know most people get nervous meeting their significant other's parents, but Giuls and I have been dating for over 6 months now and it just feels weird that I haven't met her mom, especially since she's met mine so many times. I'm really excited!

Also, Maya and Carina went on vacation. Yes you heard me right Maya Bishop actually went on vacation! I guess her session with Diane really helped. ...well as much as it could. She's still Maya haha. So of course she was on a gorgeous island with her even more gorgeous girlfriend and she was still thinking about work. She called the station and Travis answered. Maya wanted him to read her numbers from some report on her desk, but he refused and told her to enjoy her vacation. After that, she called my cell. I was surprised to see her name pop up and answered right away, thinking that something was wrong. Nope. She just wanted me to go in on my day off to get that report and read it to her. I laughed and told her she was insane. She could look at the report when she got back and I told her that she needed to have at least 3 drinks for me by the pool. Then I texted Carina letting her know that I would be ignoring all of Maya's phone calls until they got back to Seattle, so she would need to let me know if there was actually an emergency or something that Maya needed to get in touch with me. Otherwise she would just keep thinking about work. I think Carina agreed Maya needed to chill cause she just texted back "LOL. Will do" Maya tried to call me 3 more times before realizing I wasn't picking up. It was pretty funny tbh.

Anyway, if you couldn't tell, I've been trying to avoid writing about today. But I can't put it off forever, so here it goes. When I got in this morning I saw that Captain Herrera was there with some of his old firefighter buddies. I remembered some of them from visiting the station as a kid and it was crazy to see them all again. Andy was so excited; they're practically her uncles. They were telling all of these stories and it was really cool to listen to.

The ladder team got called out for a storage unit rescue, so I waved as Andy and the others left and waited for a call for the aid car. The guys asked if I was a firefighter too, busting Herreras balls, saying that he was recruiting everyone to work at 19. I laughed and explained that I wasn't a firefighter, just a paramedic. Pruitt proudly told them all that I was in medical school, I was going to be a doctor. But I couldn't seem to leave the station either and wanted to serve the community while I was in school, so he brought me on as a paramedic. I knew he was glad to have me on the team, but it was really sweet to see him look so proud of me. Then he went on and on about how great a firefighter Andy is and he was just beaming. It's amazing to see how much he loves her.

After a while, we got the call for the engine team and aid car to join the ladder crew at the storage unit. The PRT got called in too which made me nervous. Apparently their rescue had turned into a full blown fire that was spreading quickly through the vents. When I got there, I treated a few guys for smoke inhalation but it didn't seem too bad. Then they called for Travis to vent the roof and he immediately realized that the roof wasn't stable. Walking out onto it would mean falling through. And without a vent, the team wasn't going to have much, if any, air or visibility. I could hear the concern in Maya's voice and started to get worried myself.

I kept treating people, all minor injuries, most just needed oxygen, and watched carefully to see what was going on inside. A little while later, the storage facility manager came over to tell Maya that there was someone still inside. He wasn't sure which unit, so the team had to go back in and search the units one at a time until they found him. Eventually they did, but they also found a unit full of propane tanks.

Vic brought out our last victim and I ran over to meet the gurney, but Warren took him to the PRT so I was just left to wait for the team. Sullivan called them all out of the building so I figured it wouldn't be too long until I knew they were all out safe... boy was I wrong. Visibility was low and the storage place was a maze. None of the hallways were labeled and there were no marked exits. I watched as other teams tried to vent the walls, but everything was concrete so it was taking way too long.

I could see Maya getting more and more worried as time went on, and then we heard a blast over the radio. She tried to radio Andy, but she wasn't responding. I ran over to Maya as we waited to hear from any of our people inside. Finally, Andy said she copied, but the rest of the team was slow to respond. The fire had spread and they were all struggling to get out.

A few minutes later, Andy radioed back saying that she couldn't find a way out and her tank was almost out. She sounded so scared. I stayed by Maya's side, paralyzed with fear until Sullivan turned control over to Maya and suited up to go into the building himself. Ignoring all of Bishop's protest, he ran in with a hose line to guide the rest of the team out. Maya kept asking what on earth he was doing, but that was all I needed to know for sure that he and Andy were back together. I told Bishop she couldn't worry about why he was going in, she just had to focus on controlling the scene. She nodded, snapped back into focus, and started barking out orders again.

Not long after, Captain Herrera showed up. He had been listening to everything over the radio and needed to come rescue his daughter. There wasn't anything anyone could do though. They were trapped. Gibson said he was almost out of air and then we heard him collapse. One by one, we heard the panicked calls come in from our friends. I couldn't breathe.

I got called over to check on a patient and found out later that Captain Herrera told Maya to put the ladder into position so he could go up onto the roof. She explained that the roof wasn't stable. If he went up he'd fall through. But he already knew that and didn't care; he had to save them. I screamed at Maya when I realized what she was doing, but it was too late, Pruitt was already halfway to the roof. I sprinted over, grabbed onto Maya, and held my breath as tears ran down my face. I couldn't watch, but I also couldn't look away.

I saw as he cut through the roof, creating a vent for the building. I watched as the roof gave way and he fell through into the fire below. I fell to my knees and cried, knowing that Pruitt Herrera, a man I had considered family for most of my life, a constant support and role model, the closest thing I've had to a father for the last 16 years was dead.

As the team made it out, I forced myself to pull it together and made my way down to meet Andy. She broke down sobbing as she realized what had happened. I quickly asked Sullivan if I could take her home and he agreed. Then I quietly asked if I should bring her to his house. He seemed confused at first, but nodded, discreetly handed me his keys, and promised he'd get there as soon as he could. I took Herrera's car and drove her back to the chief's house. She didn't even notice where we were going until we were already inside. She had stopped crying at that point and just sat on the couch in shock. I brought her water and a change of clothes in case she wanted them, but she didn't move. I sat down next to her and eventually she looked up and asked how I knew to bring her there. I told her I just did; I knew her too well not to. Then she told me that they got married, and her dad got to be there. With that, she started crying again and I pulled her into a hug. We sat there together, both crying, until Sullivan got back. She ran to him as soon as he walked in. I took that as my cue to leave and went home. The whole way back, I kept thinking about how crazy it was that Andy and Sullivan had actually gotten married. Never in a million years would I have thought that would happen so fast.

When I got home, Maya and I sat together in the living room for a while, not saying much of anything, just reliving the day and trying desperately to make sense of any of it. Eventually I gave up and went to bed. As soon as I closed my door and was met with the quiet solitude, I started crying and couldn't stop. I grieved the loss of one of my favorite people on this planet. I remembered that now two thirds of my childhood second family was now dead and grieved Ryan all over again. And finally I couldn't help but think about how I've now lost not one but two fathers, and grieved my dad as well. I'm not sure how much sleep I'll get tonight but I have to try; I don't want this day to last any longer.

-Mattie