Separation Anxiety

17: Duality

Zoey's POV

It's been two hours and I wanted the last song to be someone special, so I choose a certain song.

Duality by Presence. It was the first song that I actually played in front of the boys.

(Beginning of song)

How do I run away from my own mind
How do I see the world from somebody else's eyes
And how do I get away from this cold heart of mine
I been feeling like
I been on the brink of dying

I walked to the middle since I was in the back. I smiled as I saw Josh, filming me.

I don't wanna die no no
I don't wanna die no more
And I don't wanna cry no no
I don't wanna cry no more

I blew a kiss at a boy in the front row and walked to the left side where the boys were.

I grabbed Josh's phone and took a picture. I handed it back with a big smile as he squealed.

So why do I keep having all these suicidal thoughts
That tell me that I'm not enough
And say that I cannot go on
Maybe I'm just in a battle with myself
It's like duality
I'm tryna find peace
But in the process I'm in hell

I felt a sudden rush. I ran to the other side of the stage and started singing so loudly.

I got anxiety
From those who lied to me
And I always lie to myself
So maybe I'm the thing
That keeps stopping me
From
Getting out of this cell
And I've been stuck
In this cell
For a long time time now

I couldn't hear anything, but my own voice and it felt great. I kept going, walking around the stage.

Got my head
Tripping out
Going round and round
We can try
All we want
To escape this
But I've been realizing that I'm the one who made this

I froze in the middle, not wanting to go anywhere. I stood there, singing to mainly myself.

I don't wanna die no no
I don't wanna die no more
And I don't wanna cry no no
I don't wanna cry no more

I felt tears. I looked out into the big crowd and I'm not the only one.

So why do I keep having all these suicidal thoughts
That tell me that I'm not enough
And say that I cannot go on
I don't wanna die no no
I don't wanna die no more
And I don't wanna cry no no
I don't wanna cry no more

I walked a little forward.

So why do I keep having all these suicidal thoughts
That tell me that I'm not enough
And say that I cannot go on
We've been off yeah
We've been off yeah
We've been off yeah
We've been off yeah

I froze once again. Then I started singing and dancing again.

I don't wanna die no no
I don't wanna die no more
And I don't wanna cry no no
I don't wanna cry no more

Without me noticing, I lifted up my own sleeves, revealing scars. All I heard was gasps.

So why do I keep having all these suicidal thoughts
That tell me that I'm not enough
And say that I cannot go on
I don't wanna die no no
I don't wanna die no more
And I don't wanna cry no no
I don't wanna cry no more

I let down my hair that was in a messy bun.

So why do I keep having all these suicidal thoughts
That tell me that I'm not enough
And say that I cannot go on

I set my mic on the mic stand, seeing that all the camera were pointing at me. I was crying. I wiped away my tears and looked into the crowd.

"Thank you all of coming out to see me sing!" I yelled.

My manager yelled something into my earpiece so I waved, running backstage. I ran into the room.

"Are you ok?" My manager, Jack, asked and I nodded.

"Very emotional song." I said.

Jack hugged me. I heard yelling and I turned to see all the boys. I hugged Dad first and he kissed my head.

"Oh come here, sis." Jaden said while picking me up. "I guess singing runs in the family."

"We should collab!" I yelled.

"Definitely!" Jaden yelled, hugging me again.

Noah, Blake and I had a group hug which felt really good.

"Aww." Dad said, taking a picture.

I hugged Quint and Bryce in a group hug, so I didn't have to choose. Dad pulled us apart.

We got on the bus and went home since none of us drove.

"Do you like Quint or Bryce?" Noah whispered and Blake smiled.

(Noah's on my left and Blake's on my right. The other boys are on the other side of the bus, facing us.)

"Both." I whispered, blushing.

"Both?" They both whisper yelled.

"I mean, they're both cute. They both love me. They like my music. But they-uh never mind." I said, a little louder this time.

"Nope. He aren't having that." Blake said and I laughed.

"Telllll usssss." Noah said.

"They are both talking to someone, right?" I asked.

"That doesn't matter." Noah said.

"Yeah. They love you." Blake said, sounding like a girl.

"We're here." Dad said. We nodded, getting up.

"Keep this between us." I said.

"But we are telling Jaden this later, right?" Noah asked.

"Duh." Blake said.

"What are should "duh"ing about, Blake?" Dad asked.

"Zoey said that Louis Tomlinson isn't 5'9." Noah said, quickly.

"Weirdos." Dad said.

"That's true. He is not 5'9!" Quinton said and we laughed. "What?"

"Nothing!" We yelled and everyone looked at us weird. Even Bryce.

"Upstairs to my room!" I yelled.

Jaden, Blake, Noah and I ran into my room, shutting the door behind us and locking it.

Dad FaceTimed me and I answered with a big smile.

"Y'all ok?" Dad asked.

"Of course." I said, sarcastically with a smile . "Now bye. Sorry, Dad, but we got some some tea to spill."

"Bye." Dad said with a sigh.

I hung up, setting my phone on my desk and looked at the boys. They all looked serious.

We grabbed our phones, putting them on silent. We sat back down on the bed.

"So I think I've chosen one." I said and the boys smiled.

"Who?!" They yelled.

Is it Quinton or is it Bryce? Or is it someone else?