THROUGH THE NIGHT (MEWGULF)

26: Realizations

MEW'S POV

I left the house extra early this morning. Gulf was still asleep when I left. He's going to his aunt's house today and I said I could go with him but he insists that I don't have to. I'm pretty excited to meet her tomorrow and hear her stories about Gulf's childhood. I hope I get to see baby pictures and keep some for myself. I shouldn't go there empty-handed. What gift should I buy his aunt? I'll stop at the mall before going home later.

I've been driving for a while now. The place I'm going to is right on the outskirts of the city. I opened the window and there was a nice breeze outside. It's good to see tons of trees and not just buildings everywhere. I wish I could take Gulf on a road trip. We could drive for so long and I wouldn't get bored. I would drive him all the way to the beach; we would play in the water all day and then we would watch the sunset from the sand. Picturing us in that scenario already makes me want to do it soon. I should ask him about that. Maybe we could bring our friends as well. I think Saint and Zee would love a beach trip.

I already arrived at the location. I parked my car and I looked at the rear-view mirror to check how I looked. I tried my best to dress nicely today and I also picked up some flowers on the way. I hope I look good. I don't know why I'm nervous right now but it's probably cause I haven't done this in a while. I got out of the car and walked past the others until I could already see where he was at. I smiled to myself. I haven't been able to see him in so long. I hope he misses me too.

"Hey, Type". I sat down in front of the stone where his name was engraved and placed the flowers beside it.

"It's been a while. I miss you like always. I'm sorry I didn't visit you sooner. I've been busy with my studies and just everything in general. But, I'm here now and I have a lot of stuff to tell you. So many things have happened since the last time we talked, well mainly because of one person.

So I met someone. His name is Gulf. He's been living with us for a while now. He's a lot younger than me. He's tall and he has fluffy hair. His room is right next to mine. He's Saint's best friend and he's an engineering student at the university too. I've been tutoring him. He's actually a really quick learner but sometimes he spaces out which I find really cute. He's such a baby, but he can get really serious sometimes.

By the way, Type, if you don't get the hint, I'm trying to tell you that he's my boyfriend. I know, it took so long for me to find someone I really like, but it's better late than never, right?

Anyway, at first, I didn't really leave a good impression on him. I got wasted as usual and he had to carry me to my room on his first night. You know, the moment I laid my eyes on him, I thought he was you and I was just hallucinating 'cause you guys look alike. I was too drunk to comprehend that he was actually a real person so I asked him to sleep with me, thinking I was just dreaming. Just imagine how shocked I was when I saw him in the kitchen the next morning.

But you know what's even weirder? I could sleep better when he's around. It freaked me out that I could, so I asked him to sleep with me. You're probably thinking, 'What the heck?' but I really did ask him. I kept pestering him everyday. He probably thought I was a creep. But at that time, I didn't know that he was dealing with some heavy stuff himself. He was coping with a lot of personal issues and I felt bad that I was only thinking of my own. Anyways, stuff happened and he eventually agreed to it, though.

Honestly at first, I really thought the reason why I could sleep better when he's around is because he reminds me of you. I think I was convincing myself too much with that reason so I kept believing in it. But when I think about it, it probably wasn't the case. I just needed someone to hold during the night and I just projected all those weird ideas on Gulf. I convinced myself that he was the only one who could help me because he looks like you. But in reality, I've just been lonely for too long.

It's fucked up, I know. That's why I didn't want to develop any feelings for him. But, there's just something about him, like his presence, that makes me want to keep being with him. And, the more I got to know Gulf, the more I realized he's such a beautiful person, inside and out. He's always so kind and so understanding to everyone. Even if people hurt him, he tries his best to be considerate. I don't think he realizes he's such a selfless person.

Type, words can't even express how much I love Gulf. I want to love him until the end of time. I want to take all his pain away and if I have to, I'll let myself suffer instead if it means he could be happy for the rest of his life. He doesn't deserve all the shit the world gives him. It breaks my heart to even think about how alone and lost he must have felt when his parents died. And I hate how he blames himself for what happened. I hate how he had to go through all of that. He's such a good person and I want him to realize that he is. I'm willing to do whatever it takes to help him find peace within himself. Gulf deserves all the love and happiness in this world".

I broke down in front of Type. Usually, I would cry because of how much I miss him, but now my tears were for how much I want to be with Gulf for the rest of my life. I wanted Type to know that I'm finally letting myself move on to experience love again.

"The last time I felt this way was when I met you, and I still do love you Type. I will always love you and I will never forget you. Remember what I said back then? If only we could always be together, how nice would it be? I will love you through the night. Those words still remain in my heart and they will forever. You are such an important person in my life, Type.

I know things didn't happen the way we wanted them to and I feel so sorry because of that. I feel sorry that we never got the chance to date out in the open or tell other people we were in love. I'm sorry that it had to be this way.

But now that I have Gulf, I'll make sure to cherish every single moment we have together. I won't take anything for granted and I'm going to make sure everybody knows just how much I love him. I'm going to be by his side and I'm going to protect him. Even if he falls out of love with me, which I really hope won't ever happen, I will still be there for him. That's how much Gulf means to me".

I wiped my tears and took a deep breath. "I can't believe I'm saying all of these things to you on your death anniversary, but I just wanted you to know that I'm really happy now. I hope you're doing well up there. Is mom doing okay? Tell her I miss her too. I'll visit her soon. I hope you guys aren't talking about me too much. Anyways, that's it for now. I'll come back here with Gulf next time. Good bye, Type".

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I got home after lunch and when I walked into the house, there was loud music playing. I went to the living room and there were balloons everywhere. The kitchen was overflowing with food too. I was shocked to see everyone and by everyone I mean Saint, Zee, Off, Gun, Bright, and Win.

What's happening?

"Good! You're here!", Saint exclaimed when he saw me. "Put this on and help Gun finish the decorations!". He handed me a hat and pushed me from behind to get me moving.

"Mew! Help me, quick! We don't have much time!", Gun shouted over the music. I saw how Zee was still blowing up more balloons and Off was cleaning up all the trash. Bright and Win were in the kitchen and they were stacking up the fridge with all sorts of drinks.

"Okay, wait!", I turned around to face Saint. "What is going on? Why are we having a party?".

"Huh? He doesn't know?", Zee asked Off.

"What the heck?! You don't know what day it is?!", Off questioned me loudly.

"What? No! I have no clue what the hell is happening right now! Someone please tell me!".

Saint held my shoulders so I could face him again. "Mew, it's Gulf's birthday".

"What?". Everyone's eyes were suddenly on me.

"He didn't tell you?", Gun asked. I could only shake my head. He didn't tell me it was his birthday. He never even mentioned it to me. Wait. If it's his birthday today, then that means...shit.

I should've been with him today.