THROUGH THE NIGHT (MEWGULF)

30: Painful reminder

[Warning: Please be cautious while reading this if you're prone to panic / anxiety attacks. If you are easily triggered, you may skip this chapter]

GULF'S POV

"So you think I killed Type?! You're blaming me for everything?! Walk away right now and that's a yes, Mew!". I tried to threaten him but the front door still closed with a heavy slam.

It's like he left without any hesitation.

I couldn't explain how I felt at that moment. I was angry, sad, worried, and guilty all at the same time. My heart was beating so fast. I was clenching my fist so tight, holding my thumb. I knew I was about to break it soon.

All this time, I had no idea that Type was the other person. I had no idea that it was my parents' car that caused it all. The look on Mew's face scared me. It seemed like he was so disgusted at the sight of me wearing this bracelet. He didn't even want to look at me. He kept pushing me away and it was clear enough that somehow he does think it's my fault. He didn't have to say it to let me know.

I went back to my room and threw my backpack on the bed. My mind was suddenly filled with so much madness. I didn't realize that I was already throwing my stuff everywhere. I threw my desk chair across the room and it made a slight dent on the wall. I paced back and forth trying to calm myself down but I just ended up punching the standing mirror out of pure rage. Glass shattered everywhere. My knuckles started bleeding but I couldn't even feel anything. I sank to the floor and cried.

"It's not my fault. I'm a good person", I started saying to myself. "He'll come back. I know he will. He'll walk in here any minute now. He's going to tell me that everything's alright. He's going to tell me he loves me".

Mew wouldn't leave me just like that. He loves me. He promised me he wouldn't see me any different after knowing the truth. It wasn't my fault. I didn't do anything. I couldn't have stopped the crash. I'm not responsible for this. I didn't do this to him.

"I didn't kill him! I didn't kill Type!", I screamed.

My bedroom door suddenly swung open. I looked back fast, expecting him to be there but instead I saw Saint with wide eyes, examining the mess I just made.

"Gulf! Are you okay?!", he rushed to me, crouching down on the floor beside me. He wrapped his arms around me but it only made me cry even harder. "Gulf, you're bleeding!".

He carefully took my wrist and checked my wounds. At this point, I couldn't talk. I wanted to explain but my throat started to hurt so much. I was breathing so fast that I felt like I was choking.

"Shit!", I heard Zee exclaim. "What the hell?!".

"Zee! Get me the first-aid kit and some water!", Saint yelled at him.

He turned to me again and held me by my arms so he could look into my eyes. "Gulf, I need you to take slow deep breaths with me". He inhaled and exhaled slowly a few times and I soon followed him. He rubbed my arms and wiped my cheeks. "It's okay. You're okay, Gulf".

Zee came rushing in after a few minutes with a small pouch and a glass of water. He kneeled down in front of us and handed me the glass. I took it but my hand was shaking so much that I couldn't take a sip. He eventually held it in his hand and helped me drink. Saint started cleaning all the blood dripping from my hand. He treated the open wounds while Zee held me, rubbing circles on my back.

After a while, I started to relax. I stopped crying and my breathing was going steady. They helped me up and brought me to the living room. Saint made me rest my head against his as he kept gently stroking my hair. Zee started cleaning up my bedroom. I could hear him picking up the shards of glass.

"Gulf, I heard you guys from my room. You don't have to tell me what exactly happened but I want you to know that he'll come back. Don't beat yourself up so much. You are good, Gulf. You're not a bad person at all", my best friend tried to reassure me. "You're going to be okay".

I clung to Saint as I helplessly replayed in my head everything that happened before Mew walked out of the door; the way he looked at me, the way we wouldn't let me in his room, and the way he was trying to leave me behind without even a hint of reluctance. I think I know what to do.

"Saint", I began to say. "I'm going to wait for him until tomorrow morning, and if he doesn't come back by then, I'm going to my aunt's house". I was choking up from just thinking about the words I was about to say. "If he doesn't return or even contact me, I'm going to leave and...I might never come back here".

"Gulf, don't say that!", he was surprised with my abrupt decision. "Why do you have to leave?".

"Because if he doesn't show me soon enough that he still sees me as the person he loves, then I'll take it as a hint that he doesn't want to be with me anymore", I firmly said to him.

"Gulf, I think you're being too sudden about this. Please think this through first".

I know I'm being impulsive right now but this is what needs to happen.

"Saint, I'm so tired of always feeling so bad about myself" I started to explain. "Now that I know the truth about the accident two years ago, this all feels so wrong. For me to keep seeing Mew knowing that I'm part of the reason why he was damaged in the first place, feels so inconsiderate. I'll just be a painful reminder to him about his awful past", I breathe deeply after letting out those thoughts. "This is what's best for the both of us".

I love Mew a lot but if I'll just become a burden to him, then what's the point? I want him to be happy and I can sacrifice my own happiness if it means he'll live better.

Saint sighed and I think he was starting to understand me. "Gulf, if you think letting go of Mew will heal you both from your traumas then fine. Do what you want to do. I still think you're going about this all wrong but if this helps you feel better, then I can support you".

To be honest, I'm not completely sure if this decision will turn out good for my own situation, but right now I really believe that there's no reason for me to be with Mew any longer.

Author's note:
Please be reminded that this is all fiction and I don't intend for anyone to feel what Gulf feels. Take care of yourselves, your mental health is important :)