Don't Cry

011

"I think I better get going," Kit said with his serious tone in his voice. Then, he turns sideways and started walking away from us.

I wanted to call his name and explain myself yet Lay is here. I guess it is better if he's the one I should talk to at this moment.

"May I speak with you for a little while?"  he inquired and I chose to nod my head at him.

When I drew closer to him, we started walking towards the back part of the building. No one is speaking. Patuloy na lamang kaming naglalakad.

I immediately faced myself to him, when we reached the back part. He stared at me and I do the same. I see a pool of emotions in his eyes.

I thought staring back at him is a good choice but now I know I was wrong. Ako na ang nag-iwas ng tingin sa aming dalawa.

"I have so many things that I wanted to tell you yet I know now is still not the time for you to know."

Confusion builds within me but instead of asking him, I chose not to. I chose to listen to his succeeding words that he will utter.

"I am sorry, Mira. I really am. I never wanted to left you that time. If only I would be given the chance, I would chose to stay here forever with you," he said full of sincerity.

"But time sucks big time. It left me with no choice, I needed to go back to my family. I needed to fix things up."

"I understand. But why did you chose not to tell me the reason or at least bid your goodbye? You know I would understand. Because the truth is, it is devastated for me to know that you left without uttering a single word about it. Akala ko kaibigan kita pero bakit mo na naman ako nagawang iwan ng ganoon lang?"

"I know it was hard for you. But trust me. It is for your own sake."

"But why? Bakit hanggang ngayon ay hindi mo pa rin iyon masagot? Lay, I waited for you to contact me. I waited for you to tell me the reason why you left. However, all I get is nothing," I said while I looked straightly into his eyes.

Iniling niya ang ulo niya. "I know I have hurted you and who knows maybe I am still hurting you today but I couldn't tell you the reason why just yet."

I shook my head at him and I saw pain that is etched on his face but I chose not to attend to it. I turn around and started walking away from him.

He may have reasons, he may be hurting also but... But how can I understand him if he can't tell me the reason why?

Maybe I am selfish for thinking about my own feelings only. Maybe I am a fool for acting this way. But I just wanted him to be honest with me. Why can't he do that?

Alam ko na hiniling ko na sana ay bumalik siya. Bumalik siya at tatanggapin ko ulit siya ng buong-buo sa kabila ng lahat ng rason niya. Pero mahirap pala kapag hindi niya magawang sabihin sa akin ang kanyang mga dahilan.

I know that I couldn't move forward knowing that he hides something from me.

I wanted to clear my thoughts.

I wanted to calm myself.

And I guess a cup of tea and a slice of cake would be able to relieve me from my whirlwind of emotions. I decided to walk towards the space beyond the university's gate. I wanted to go to the nearest tea house. Buti na lang at hindi naman iyon malayo.

As soon as I enter the tea house, the tea's aroma calms me. At least that I know this wasn't a bad idea. I immediately went to the nearest table to sit after I gave my order.

The memory of Lay flashes back to my mind once again. He said he has no choice. He said it was for me but honestly hindi ko makita kung para nga ba talaga iyon sa akin.