Don't Cry

026

As soon as I saw his captivating smile, my heart sank deeper. I hate to erase that beautiful smile of him but I needed to choose. I needed to let go the other yet it doesn't mean that it is the end of us. It may just seem that it is the finale part of our story but no, it was only the beginning.

"Masaya ako at nakapunta ka."

I chuckled nervously. "Bakit naman ako hindi pupunta? Best friend kaya kita."

He shrugged his shoulders as he started to walk away from their house. He's wearing just a plain black shirt and cargo shorts, his both hands are tucked inside his pockets. Agad naman akong humakbang upang masabayan siya.

"Sana lagi na lang tayong ganito. Sana wala na lang magbago," aniya sa mahinang boses pero sapat lang upang marinig ko.

"I hope so too yet nothing is permanent in this world but change. Kahit gustuhin man natin na manatili sa ngayon ay hindi pwede. We can't do nothing to freeze the time. We need to move forward. We need to face our own blurred tomorrows."

"I know. It is just... ang hirap kapag nasanay ka na at pagkatapos biglang babaguhin ng kapalaran. We just wanted to go back to the way it was used to be but the sad reality is, even how much hard we try, we will never succeed. Things are better off to remain forever in the past."

Tumango naman ako sa sinabi niya.

He's right. We can never go back to the past just to change our present and future. The only thing we can do is to make things worthwhile in the present just for us to be able to draw a better future.

Tumigil siya sa paglalakad kaya ganoon na rin ang ginawa ko. Pagkatapos ay hinarap niya ako. His joyful smile earlier turned into a sorrowful one.

It breaks my heart seeing him like this. But then again, I have nothing to do but to choose myself this time.

"Ven, alam kong iniiwasan mo ako nitong mga nakaraang araw."

I am surprised because he knew. Gusto kong itanggi pero totoo naman. Ayoko naman magsinungaling sa kanya lalo pa't kilalang-kilala niya ako. He knows when I am telling lies or just making an excuse.

"Ayokong ipilit ang mga bagay na hindi mo gusto. I never wanted to do that to you. Pero sa pagkakataong ito ay nagpapasalamat ako dahil sa wakas ay nakipagkita ka sa akin ng ikaw lang."

"Kit." I was able to utter his name whisperingly.

I am lost at his solemn eyes whilst I am looking into those. Hindi ko na rin inalintana ang init ng araw na tumatama sa balat ko ngayon. All my attention is just focused to the man in front of me who is havinga smile on his face but the sadness in his eyes really shows.

"You know how much I love you, right?" he asked and I nodded gently.

"And you know that I will do anything for you," aniya at kahit hindi 'yon tanong ay tumango muli ako.

"Ang gusto ko lang ay maging masaya ka kahit ang ibigsabihin pa no'n ay hindi sa piling ko. Una pa lang ay alam ko na mahirap mahulog sa'yo. You are my best friend and I don't want to lose you. Pero kahit anong pigil ko ay sadyang malakas talaga ang pagkakahulog ko at hindi na ako nakabangon pa," he said as his eyes is starting to get watery.

"I wanted you to be my world but if you are not willing to, then there's nothing left for me to do but to accept it. Kahit mahirap. Kahit alam ko na may mahal kang iba ay mas pinili ko na maging sandalan mo. I can't be selfless. I can't just think of my own pain when the lady I am in love with is in more pain than I."

His words are like knives that are stabbing me, it is hurtful. Kahit gusto ko siyang yakapin ngayon ay alam kong hindi pa maari.

If him telling me this words will make him feel better, then I will gladly listen to it even how much it will break my heart.