Don't Cry

020

"I am just telling this to you for you not to be surprised of what is going to happen in your life. You know how much I care for you, Mira."

Napababa ako ng tingin nang dahil sa sakit na nararamdaman. "Bakit ba nila ginagawa sa akin ito? Ni hindi man lang nila ako nagawang tanungin kung ano ba ang gusto ko?" I asked softly to myself.

Kahit nangako na ako sa sarili ko na hindi na ako magpapauna sa nararamdaman ko, I couldn't help it. I am still a human that sometimes, my emotions took over me.

Here I am trying my best to be fine, trying my best to fix my broken family yet all they think is themselves.

What did I ever do to deserve this?

Naramdaman ko na lamang ang mga kamay ni Lay na hinawakan ang aking mga kamay na nasa ibabaw ng mesa. I bring my gaze up just to look at him and seeing him having this small smile on his face, bring warmth to my frozen heart.

"Everything is going to be fine. Maybe not now, but I know it will. Just don't give up in believing. I know that you can surpass all of this."

I gave him a faint smile and a slight nod.

Hindi man maayos ang pamilya ko ngayon, at least I have good friends who are always here for me to cheer me up. Silang dalawa na lang ni Kit ang rason to keep me sane on my fucked up life.

They never leave me particularly on times like this. Their shoulders are always there for me to cry on, to bring comfort to me. Hindi ko alam kung anong mangyayari sa akin kapag umalis sila sa buhay ko.

But I guess, life is really like that. You can't cage the people you love to be with you forever. They have their own lives, their struggles and own dreams. Their world doesn't revolve on me. Sooner or later, I know, I need to let them go.

I tried my best to gather my thoughts. Kailangan ko nang kausapin si daddy tungkol dito. Walang mangyayari kung magmamatigas pa ako. I just hope that he is ready to listen to my side just like how I tried to understand all of them.

We all have our own fears but nothing will happen if we let ourselves be consume by it. Nightmares are just mere nightmares not until we let them take over our beings.

Wala naman mangyayari if I keep blaming the things happening to me to the circumstances and to the people around me.

I just needed to exert more effort for them to listen to my voice. And maybe, just maybe, my voice can make a difference.

Nang makita ko si daddy na nagbabasa ng magazine sa sala ay agad ko siyang pinuntahan. I sat right next to him.

I breath in and compose myself.

"Dad," I called him.

"Hmm?" he said whilst his eyes are still on the magazine.

"Can we talk?" I asked seriously. He closed the magazine and directed his look unto me.

"Why? Is there a problem?" nag-aalala niyang tanong.

Here goes nothing.

"Nabalitaan ko po iyong nangyayari?"

His brows furrowed while still looking at me. "What do you mean?"

"Daddy, bakit kailangan pa pong umabot sa ganito? Bakit kailangan niyo pa pong mag-file ng restraining order laban kay mommy Althea?"

His face became sour by just asking him such questions. "Wala naman talaga siyang karapatan sa'yo. Me and Athena are basically your parents."

Iniling ko nang mariin ang ulo ko sa kanya. "Mayroon po dahil siya ang nagluwal sa akin. Huwag mo naman po sanang ipagkait sa amin 'to."