Don't Cry

015

"Ven, kumain ka na ng lunch. Past one na oh," nag-aalalang wika ni Kit sa akin habang nasa library kami.

I shook my head as I continue on solving problems. Marami na akong oras ang nasayang dahil hindi ako nakapag-aral. Hindi pwede na may masayang akong muli.

"Makinig ka naman sa akin. You need to eat. Paris will never be happy seeing you like this."

Napatigil ako sa ginagawa at ipinikit ko na lamang nang mariin ang aking mga mata. My tears dropped as it touches my handouts on the table.

It still hurts thinking that she left us already. It still hurts thinking that she bids her last goodbye.

Hindi ko alam kung kailan ko pa matatanggap na tuluyan na siyang lumisan. Sana bumalik siya at pawiin niya na lang ang hapdi na nasa sa aking puso ngayon.

I felt his hands lightly tapped my shoulders. My trembling hands turns into a fist as I remember that it is still my fault why she left the world.

"Alam kong mahirap. Lahat naman tayo nasasaktan sa pagkawala niya but life doesn't stops. We need to move forward. I am not depriving you for grieving on your late sister, but please... huwag mo naman pabayaan ang sarili mo. You may think that it is better for you to be on her place but Ven think about us, the ones that you will leave behind."

I looked up to him with my eyes filled with tears. "Thank you for never leaving by my side."

He smiled to me, a sad one. "I promised you that and I am always going to fulfill my promises to you."

I spent the next few days of me mourning for my lost sister. Still, I study hard because I promise her that she will be proud of me. Kailangan kong tuparin ang pangakong 'yon.

Ang sabi nila, gawin ko para sa sarili ko. I did but I know that motivation has faded. Paris is my only motivation right now in order for me to continue on aspiring my dreams.

Here I am, studying late in the night. Then, I heard a knock on the door and seconds later, mommy Althea enters the room.

"Dinalhan kita ng macaroons. Kami ni Misha ang nagbake niyan kanina."

Kinuha ko ang plato na may lamang iba't ibang kulay ng macaroons. I smiled a bit at her. "Thank you po."

"Anak, kung kailangan mo ng makakausap. Nandito lang ako. You can tell me anything. Alam ko na mahirap para sa'yo ang pinagdadaanan mo ngayon. We all have been through a lot of pain and hardships but I know it is never on the same intensity. We have different coping mechanisms on pain and sadness. But please remember that you are not alone. Nandito na ko ngayon, handang maging nanay mo. Sabihin mo lang kung anong dapat kong gawin para maging maayos ka, anak. Gagawin ko."

"Mom, you don't have to do anything. Having you here with me is already enough.  I promise, malalampasan ko rin ito. I know that He just wants me to be stronger kaya Niya ako binibigyan ng ganitong pagsubok and when the day comes, I will show you that I am strong enough to endure anything that life may gives," I said then I smiled to her.

Kung may maipapagpapasalamat man ako sa pagkakataong ito, iyon ay ibinalik sa akin ang tunay kong ina. I can feel her eternal love for me, the love I never felt on the arms of her twin.

Mommy Althea is indeed my mother.

"Kumusta ka na?" daddy asked while we are currently on his favorite restaurant.

"I'm fine, dad," I answered while my eyes are still on my plate. Hindi ko siya kayang tingnan. Nahihiya ako sa kanya sa nangyari. Nawalan siya ng anak nang dahil sa akin.

Hindi niya man ipakita pero alam kong may galit din siyang nararamdaman para sa akin. He is blaming me too. Nahihirapan siya pero heto pa rin siya at kinakamusta ako. I don't deserve a father like him.