The Bad Boy's Baby • Colby Brock

Chapter 24: Hard Decisions

-Amara-

I stare at the picture of my son. I only have 3 months until he's here and I'm not prepared. I don't have anything for him, I'm not emotionally and physically ready for him. Right now I can't even go back to school. I can't be a mom. I can't do this. It's too much for me. I know I love him more than anything. I'm so happy I'm able to grow him and nourish him, but he would be better off without me. He needs parents who are ready. He needs a mom and a dad that can take care of him his whole life with no issues. I can't give him that. I can't give him a happy and comfortable life.

It's such a hard decision to make, but it's the right one. No matter how much I want him, I can't keep him. Not alone, not without Colby. At first I told myself I could, and that I will. Now, after going through everything I've gone through, it made me realize how much better off he would be with parents who are ready. Parents that can provide for him in the best ways. He needs to be adopted by people who can give him the best.

"Amara, are you sure? I mean you have me, you have mom and dad. You have all of us. You don't have to do this." Rya sits next to me with tears in her eyes. I look at her, my own eyes leaking form sadness. My lips frown as I start to cry harder. "I can't do it." I stutter, putting my head on her shoulder. Her arms wrap around me. She comforts me as I cry on her.

"Whatever you need. Whatever you want." She tells me.

"I'm sorry." I say, looking back up to her.

"It's okay, you're doing what you think is best for him. If you think he needs another family, then we'll support you." She tells me. A tear drops and her hand caresses my shoulder.

"How am I going to tell everyone?" I ask her, my eyes falling back to my sonogram.

"I'll be there with you, don't worry."

***

"I wanted to talk to you guys." I say as I stare at John, Maddie and Sam. I told them to meet me at a local restaurant to tell them my decision. It was hard telling my parents, but I could tell they were relieved with my plan. They didn't want me to keep him, I just know it.

"What up?" Sam asks. I sigh and hold onto Johns hand, looking down.

I look back up to them with a soft smile. "I decided that the best thing for Cain," my eyes begin to water but I blink them away, "is for him to have two parents that will be able to provide for him. I'm going to start looking for couple next week." John's grip tighten on my hand. I watch as all their faces turn to shock. Maddie's eyes begin to water.

"Mara, it's not your only choice. You can keep him." John says. I wipe my tears away and sniffle, "I can't. He won't have a family. He would be better off without me."

"Mar-" Madeline starts.

"It's decided, Madeline. I'll find a family who deserves him. I'll make sure he's okay." I unwrap my hand from John's just as out waiter comes back with our drinks.

We quickly get them. I hoped my friends would leave the discussion but it wasn't that easy.

"You have me, you know I'll be there for him. I'll be his dad." John says.

"You don't need the responsibility. He's not yours and you shouldn't be obligated to take care of him. He's mine and," I glance at Sam who's head was in his hands, "he's mine."

"He's all of ours." Madeline says.

"He's nobody's responsibility but mine." I argue.

"And Colby's." Sam speaks up. We all stay silent as Sam stands up and leaves the table, walking outside the restaurant. I sigh and rub my eyes. This isn't what I wanted.

"I'm going to talk to him." I tell them. They both give me apologetic looks before I leave the table.

I open the restaurant door. Sam is sitting on a chair that's outside. He doesn't look up to me. I sit next to him, putting my hand on his.

"It's not his fault, Sam. I understand he doesn't want Cain. I understand his decision. It may have influenced mine but I don't blame him." I tell him quietly. He looks up to me and shakes his head.

"No, you don't understand why he did it. He loves Cain, he loves you, Amara." He says loudly. My eyebrows furrow in confusion. "He hates himself. He hates who he is. It's not because he doesn't want to be a dad, it's because he's afraid to be a dad."

"I'm afraid, too. But, he made his decision just like I made mine."

"He's confused. Look, he didn't grow up in a happy place. He was abused and watched as his dad beat his mom. He was helpless. And no, he's not afraid to be a dad because he's young, he's afraid he'll hurt you two." Sam stands up and huffs, putting his hands on his hips.

I knew something was wrong with him. I knew he had issues but I had no clue he was abused.

"He's beaten up over it, Amara. He wants to be able to be there but he thinks he'll be like his dad." Sam says leaning up against the pole.

"Well, he doesn't have to worry about it. Cain will be going to a good family." I shrug. I stand back up but as I try to walk away he grabs my arm.

"Please talk to him. He needs you to talk to him." Sam begs.

I sigh and pause, "Fine. Give me your phone."

He quickly pulls out his phone then hands it to me. I see Colby's name on the screen. My hand shakes over the call button. I press my lips together and finally press call.

I put the phone to my ear and listen as it rings. Finally, he picks up.

"Hello?" I hear him.

"Hey," I say quietly.

He doesn't response quickly. I can hear him pause, "A-Amara?" He stutters.

"Hey, I just wanted to talk." I say. Sam nods his head towards me then walks back into the restaurant.

"Sure, I guess. Do you want to meet somewhere? Do you want me to come over? Why do you have Sam's phone?" He begins asking questions.

"Just meet me in the schools parking lot in about a hour. I'm out with Sam and my friends. I had some news to tell them." I bite my lip.

"Is everything okay?" He asks.

"Yeah," my voice becomes higher, "I'll text you when I'm on the way."

I hang up before I begin crying. I didn't want him to see me weak, even though he has a million times now.

I take a deep breath before walking back into the restaurant, to pretend like everything is okay.