The Bad Boy's Baby • Colby Brock

Chapter 25: Deep Conversations

I find Colby sitting on one of our school benches. His legs are shaking as he looks at the ground. I can tell he's nervous. I am, too. How will he react? What will he say when I tell him I'm giving away our baby?

"Colby," I say quietly as I walk towards him.

His eyes meet mine. I can see sadness, anger, frustration and confusion. The amount of emotions we both feel is endless.

He gets up and hugs me, wrapping his arms around me tightly. He doesn't know about the adoption, but I'm sure he knows something is up. I relax in his arms and return the hug.

"Let's sit down." I tell him. He nods his head and lets go. We both sit but remain silent.

"What did you want to talk about?" He asks.

"I made a decision and I'm sure you won't care, but legally you need to know." I start. "I decided that Cain will be better off with two parents who are ready for him." I look at him. His face becomes more stern and serious.

"Amara if this is because of me-"

"No, it's not. I just can't be a mom. You can't and don't even want to be a dad. I'm not ready for him, and this is my choice now. I have to make decisions by myself, and this is the best decision," My eyes water as I turn away, "for our son."

Colby sighs and takes my hand, turning towards me. I look down at our hands together as a tear falls. "Im sorry I left again. I promised you I wouldn't. But, don't give him up for adoption. W-" he pauses, "We can do it. I will be with you every step of the way."

I chuckle in frustration. I let go of his hand wipe my face angrily, "I can't trust you. How am I supposed to trust you when all you've done is let me down? I made this decision because it's the only choice I have now. I can't trust you and I can't trust myself."

"You don't understand, Amara. I'm trying. I'm trying really hard." He argues softly.

My chest becomes heavy as I cry harder. "Sam told me about your dad, Colby. You're not him."

He takes a deep breath, "I didn't want you to know."

"But you left me with no explanation. You didn't even try to tell me why. You didn't bother to tell me yourself that you didn't want to be in his life."

"I couldn't. I couldn't look you in the face and tell you I was too weak." He says quietly.

"But you could of talked to me about it. We could of talked about it, Colby. I could of helped you."

"Nothing can help me. Nothing. I'm fucked up. I didn't want to ruin Cains life, or yours."

"Cain needs a father. And that's why I'm choosing adoption. He's going to have a nice family, two parents and a loving home." My fingers clench around the bench as I try to calm down.

"I love him." Colby's voice breaks from beside me. "I don't want him to grow up wondering why he wasn't enough for his parents. What about when he starts questioning about us? What then? Won't he track us down one day and we'll have to face him and tell him we gave him up because we weren't ready? What will he think?"

"He won't track us down because he'll have a nice couple who will raise him and love him. He'll be happy without us. He'll be happier without us." I tell him.

"I don't know, Amara." He sighs.

"Please just agree with me, Colby." I plead, locking eyes with him.

He nods slowly and wraps his arm around me, letting me lean my head on his shoulder as I cry.