For years, I was drowning. Nakakalunod ang sariling kalungkutan. Hindi ko alam kung anong ginawa ko noong nakaraang buhay ko para parusahan ako ng ganito?
Am I not meant to be happy?
Or happiness is not really meant for me?
"What do you mean you want to stop?" I was in my father's study.
"I want to stop for the mean time, Pa." I bit my lower lip.
"No, Eloise Liana!" Papa shouted.
I close my eyes thightly, pinipigilan ang mga luha na nagbabadyang tumulo.
"Malapit kana mag college! Ngayon ka pa hihinto? Wala ka ba talagang pangarap? You want to ruin your life even more?" he said. No, Pa. I wanted to be saved.
"I-I can't focus, Pa. Masasayang l-lang yung t-tuition--" hinawakan ako ni Papa sa magkabilang braso. I can see anger in his eyes.
"Wala tayong problema sa pera, Eloise! Walang masasayang do you understand?!" he shouted at me, "alam mo kung ano yung masasayang? Huh? Masasayang yung panibagong buhay na binigay sayo ni Travis--"
"Papa stop it!" I shouted back.
Binitawan niya ako at halos mapaluhod ako sa sobrang panlulumo.
"Please.. Just this once, Pa. Pakinggan niyo naman ako." I cried harder.
I was lost. I was once had a direction, but after that I was lost again. And again.
"Next."
Tumayo ako at lumapit sa counter. Its monday and starting today, will be our clearance week.
"Villareal, Eloise Liana"
"Wala na, miss. 3 copies of 2x2 I.D picture na lang ang need mo ipasa." the teller told me. "Pirmahan ko na yan, basta make sure na maibigay mo yung picture rito."
Tumango ako, "thank you."
Tinignan ko ang papel na hawak ko. Its still the first day of clearance week pero kaunti na lang ang kailangan ko puntahan. I just want this all to be done, para hindi na ako papasok sa mga susunod na araw.
"Eli! Eli!" Nag-angat ako ng tingin at nasa harap ko na bigla si Ara at Paige.
"Ilan na lang sayo? Huhu tinatamad ako. Gala na lang tayo? Lunes pa lang naman eh." Ara said.
Sinilip naman ni Paige ang clearance ko, "Wow! Ang sipag mo ha? Buti ka pa." tumango na lang ako at nagsimula na maglakad.
Bukas ko na tatapusin lahat ng to. Because of the unfortunate event last saturday, hindi ako nakapag grocery. Even yesterday, I just stayed in my apartment the whole day.
"Uy, Eli saan ka pupunta?" kulit ulit sakin ni Ara. Hindi ba sila napapagod sakin? Hindi ko naman sila pinapansin.
"I have some errands to do, bukas ko na lang tatapusin clearance ko." I said. Ito na ata ang pinakamahabang sinabi ko sakanila ah.
"Saan? Sama naman kami! Tinatamad kami talaga huhu, bukas na lang din kami mag clearance." Nag-angat ako ng tingin sakanila, and they are smiling from ear to ear. Annoying.
"Uh, you'll be bored with me--" napatigil ako sa pagsasalita ng akbayan ako ni Paige.
"Okay lang! Hindi kami mabobored. Tara na, tara na!" I sigh. Wala na ako nagawa ng hatakin nila ako palabas ng campus.
Hindi na masyado mahigpit sa aming senior high school students kapag clearance week kaya makakalabas na kami anytime we want, basta need lang namin ito matapos within the given time.
