The Way You Look At Me (VA Series 2)

Thirty Fifth

Joerish

"Do I look good? Bagay ko naman diba?"

I asked Jessica and Irene who was waiting for me inside this beauty salon. Because today is Sunday, naisipan naming mamasyal at mag-bonding. We just went to the Church kaya we decided to go straight here in the mall. Besides, minsan nalang naman kaming nakakalabas ng magkakasama because of our hectic schedules. Lalo na si Irene.

Isa na rin kasi siyang sikat na reporter ngayon from the number one network in the country.

Nagpa-manicure and pedicure sila kanina habang ako naman ay  nagpagupit ng buhok. I decided to change my hairstyle from long and straight hair into shoulder length loose wave hairstyle. Nagpa-dye rin ako ng buhok into dark brown ombre.

"You look prettier. Ang elegant mo sizbesh!" Jessica told me.

"Blooming siya Jess. Siguro nagpapaganda para kay Engineer Santos." Irene said and then they laughed.

I rolled my eyes and look at them. "Could the two of you just please shut up! Napaka-issue niyo. And I am not making myself pretty for the sake of anyone, lalo na sa kanya."

"Oh... here comes her denial state again. Rish, lying won't do any benefit to you. Kahit konti ba hindi ka nakaramdam ng kahit ano sa kanya?" Irene said.

"Gaya ng?"

"Pagka-miss. O kaya yung feeling na hindi mo ba natanong sa sarili mo kung ano ang nangyari sa inyo? Kasi kung oo, ibig sabihin lang na hanggang ngayon hinahanap mo pa rin ang past ninyong dalawa." Irene said.

I looked away. Okay, I get it. Tinamaan ako sa kanya doon. Of course, nararamdaman ko rin yun. I am asking that question to myself a lot of times lalo na kapag nakikita ko siya. O kaya yung mga bagay na binigay niya. Kasi hindi ko naman maitatangging, minahal ko siya ng totoo noon. Sometimes, iniisip ko what would my life look like kapag hindi kami naghiwalay.

Would I be happier?

Would I be successful like this?

Makukuha ko kaya yung mga bagay na mayroon ako ngayon?

I don't know the answer. Siguro oo, siguro hindi. Pero kung anuman ang nangyari sa aming dalawa, all I could say is that the pain put us in the state we are having right now. Masasabi ko bang wala akong pinagsisisihan?

To be honest, I have my own set of regrets. May mga bagay din naman akong pinagsisisihan at marami yun. But the greatest regret that I am still holding up to this moment is the fact that I lost him.

"Ang lalim ng inisip. Siguro guilty." Parinig ni Jessica.

"Truth."

"Hindi nga. Ang kulit ninyo dalawa." I rolled my eyes at them.

"Sizbesh, it's never bad to be honest with yourself. Lying only makes you suffer. Just be true, na-miss mo siya noh? Tapos inisip mo na sana kayo pa rin. Sana hindi ka niya iniwan o sinaktan. You thought about that, right?" Jessica stated.

"Okay." I surrendered so I just nodded. "I do miss him. I do long for him. Pero hanggang doon nalang yun Jess and Irene. I don't want to bring back everything we had before."

I smiled and they also smiled. After that, nagpatuloy nalang kami sa aming beauty session. After this, we'll go shopping since wala na rin naman kaming ibang gagawin. Buti nga hindi sila hinahanap ng mga jowa nila ngayon. That's good kasi walang nangyayaring distraction.