The Way You Look At Me (VA Series 2)

Forty Second

Ryseann

"We are both devastated that time. We are both hopeless." Rish said.

I just finished narrating the first half of the most painful chapter in our past. I nodded and I smiled bitterly at her. She already finished her ice cream and the sun has fully set. Right now, the stars are starting to show up. Ang dami naming alaala kasama ang mga talang ito. They became the witness of our love to each other kaya sometimes, I am wondering if the stars could remember us.

"We even separated that time. I thought it was the end of us. Ayaw ko talagang mawala ka. That's my biggest threat and my greatest downfall." I said.

"Didn't it help?"

I smiled at her. "It did. I got better and you also. Nagising kasi ako sa katotohanan that time. If I will stop achieving everything that time, paano na tayo? Paano na yung future natin? Paano na ako? Paano na yung promises ko kay Dad... at sayo?"

Napatingin siya sa akin and she was listening intently. Malungkot man ang usapan namin ngayon, I can't stop the happiness I am feeling. It is because ngayon ko nalang ulit nakausap si Rish. We may be talking about our tearful past but I am happy because at least... at least we are talking and she is listening.

"Kaya I moved forward. It's because of you and my Dad, Rish. Saka na ako. I may sound foolish but that time hindi ko na inisip ang sarili ko. Kayo talaga ang dahilan kung bakit nandito ako ngayon. It's hard to continue but it was possible cause you were there."

"So masaya ka?" She asked me.

Umiling-iling ako. "I may achieved everything but I am not really happy. Hindi ako masaya... kasi nawala ka."

4 Years Ago...

Kakatapos lang ng libing ni Dad and I swear, I am still getting weak. Nanghihina pa rin talaga ako and I still don't know how to stand up. Paano ko tatanggapin ang balitang wala na si Dad? All my life, I did well for him. I grew well and lived to be my best because it was all for him. But now he is gone.

And he will never come back again.

Ang sakit para sa akin kasi gusto ko sanang makita pa niya akong maka-graduate. I still want him to see me become successful. I still want him to be part of my future. Hindi lang naman ako ang nangarap. We both dreamt for this kind of life. And right now, I still want him to be part of that fulfillment.

I admit that these time, nawawalan ako ng time for Rish. I know she is also going through a lot pero ano ang ihaharap ko sa kanya? I can't be her strength. Ayaw ko lang na dumagdag din ako sa problema niya.

I just can't do that.

So I am praying that she is doing fine even without me. Hindi naman siya nawala sa puso ko. She is the only reason now why I am still holding on. Without her, hindi ko na alam kung kakayanin ko pa.

So I hope, nakakapit pa rin siya sa akin. Sana kinakaya pa niya at sana maintindihan muna niya ako. I just can't be strong right now but Rish... Rish is merely the reason why I am breathing right now.

"Sean, where are you going?" Mom asked me when she saw me leaving the house. She is in the living room right now.

Hindi man sila nagkakasundo ni Dad kapag minsan but I know they love each other. So she is also sad that Dad really needs to go. Hawak-hawak pa nga niya ngayon yung picture ni Dad while she is crying. I may be selfish right now but with the state I am in, I can't be anyone's strength.