🎵 Sabi ko na nga ba
Dapat no'ng una pa lamang
'Di na umasa
Di naniwala
-----
Marian
The heart is not the center of love. It is the mind. But why do they call it a heartbreak instead of mindbreak when someone gets hurts because of love?
It is not always about how much it hurt. But sometimes, it is about how far it made you stronger this time.
I laid him flat on bed and spread the blanket for him. Halatang lasing na lasing siya at pagod na pagod.
" Hmm Marian" He moaned my name in his sleep. Napatingin ako sa kaniya upang siguraduhing tulog nga ito. Pero taliwas sa inaasahan ko, halatang pinipilit niyang huwag mutulog.
" Seb, magpahinga ka na." I talked to him. Umiling ito sabay tingin sa akin.
" If I'm being close you but not able to hold you anymore would feel like this then I call bullshit on that" Napalakihan ko siya ng mga mata. Ano ba talaga Marian! Lasing ba talaga siya o naglalasinglasingan lang.
" Lasing ka lang, Seb" Kaya mo sinasaba ang mga iyan.
" Kanina, I saw how your goddamn boss looked at you. Tangina, Marian. Ha-harapharapan niya akong ginagago. Kahit gustong gusto ko siyang bugbugin, hindi ko puwedeng gawin." Now he sounded perfectly fine.
" He is my boss, Seb"
" Alam ko. You fucking have a lot of bosses. And I hate it. Nakakaselos, Marian" Napasinghap na lamang ako dahil sa narinig kong sinabi niya. Ni hindi ko manlang alam ang isasagot ko sa kaniya.
" Tama na Seb. Lasing ka lang" Pilit kong pinapatay iyung pag-uusap namin.
Bumangon siya mula sa pagkakahiga niya at umupo sa may gilid ng kama.
" Lasing ako pero bakit masakit parin?" He complained. Seeing the way he's hurting now was nothing compared to how I struggled before. May mga tanong na gusto akong tanungin sa kaniya. Gusto ko siyang sumbatan. Gusto ko siyang singilin sa lahat ng mga pagkukulang niya sa akin. I wanted to hurt him badly but seeing him like this now, 'tong puso ko, ayaw paawat kahit sabihin kong tama na. Kahit sabihin kong huwag na.
" I want my family to meet my son but I also want them to meet you. I should have done that before but I failed to" Gago ka kasi. Ngayon masasabi ko na hindi na kailangan. Okay na sa akin na makilala nila si Sean pero mananatiling hanggang dun lang iyon. I no longer want to deal with a heartless family.
" Matulog ka na Seb. Lasing ka lang" I said in dismissal but he was too quick to held me in my hand in order to pull me nearer to him.
We stared at each other's eyes for a moment before I looked away.
" Stop this nonsense Seb. Wala ng patutunguhan ang lahat ng ginagawa mong 'to. Sa tingin mo ba natutuwa ako na umuwi kang lasing?" Sumbat ko sa kaniya. Umiling siya.
" You hate drunkards and I know that. But I'm not a drunkard. Nakainom lang ngayon" He was somehow explaining to me. Napasinghap ako habang nakatingin sa kamay niyang nakahawak sa braso ko.
" Please don't let anyone touch you this way" Ramdam ko ang sakit at lungkot sa boses niya. His eyes were watery and I hate to admit it but it still affects me.
" You don't have a say to what I do and what I have decided to do, Seb. Kung gusto kong magpahawak o kung gusto ko man magpaligaw, wala ka na dun" I said with authority but the instant darkness in his eyes makes me want to take back all that I have just said.
