roses. | eren x levi

roses. | twenty-one

"so, mr. jaeger, i have a report here from your doctor, dr. lambert, but i'm sure you'd like to explain it yourself to me?"

i perched down in the seat, timid about emptying myself to this casual gentlewoman that i've never spoken to in the limited life i possess.

"it's okay, mr. jaeger. may i call you eren?"

"uh, sure," i said, sitting up properly in my chair.

"i'm a certified therapist, eren, it's okay to treat me like one. or treat me not like one, as a friend. nobody's listening in on your sessions, nobody will know except me. i'm sworn to secrecy, so why not get a little comfortable with me? you've booked me every friday, right?"

"yes, sir."

"please, call me miss torres, or alena if you'd want. we're best buddies, remember?"

i agreed. "uh, yes, alena."

"so? anything you want to tell me?"

i bent my head over again, seeming ridiculous to myself.

"i, um, i got feelings for my client about seven weeks ago. he came in every day, ordering roses, twelve, at first." i said, now thinking of him. his silky, queen of the night, hair. his bright smile that contrasted so much from his shimmering desert marigold eyes, and his caring and sweet personality.

"you may continue, eren."

"uh, around the second week he came, we started getting closer."

alena inclined forth in her position. "oh?"

"yes, i was, i was charmed by his personality, and how caring he was. he bought those roses every day, not for himself, but to give out to other people. he paid twenty dollars every day just for someone else."

she smiled friendlily. "he sounds nice. is that why you fell for him?"

"of course. i knew nothing else about him. and, one day, i was going to ask him out for a cup of coffee, and-"

"he was already dating someone?"

i nodded nonchalantly. "that same day, he had asked for me to give him thirteen roses. because he wanted to give his date one."

my therapist frowned dismally. "how did you cope? did you ever cry?"

"barely, but i felt horrible. i didn't want the sweet release of tears. i'm a florist, so it's only natural for me to always look happy, right? i'm surrounded by paradise and serenity. there is nothing odder than a florist crying."

"that's no reason to not allow yourself emotion, eren. crying's a natural way of life, and everyone deserves tears."

my therapist scribbled something down. "well, are you deciding on getting the surgery? how's breathing been for you?"

"not too horrible right now, but i often cough up petals of some sort. and, no, i don't want the surgery. i love the feeling of loving someone else, and i have a feeling that mr. rose will be my first and last love. to let go of something that precious, for something as dubious, as uncertain, like life, is to kill me right now."

"what could you mean by that, eren?"

"i mean, that i'm a desolate florist who hasn't talked to someone personally since college. i have nobody to care for, nobody to laugh with, nobody to love me. now that mr. rose has walked into my life, i, i-"

the timer rung. my therapist sighed. "i think that's the end of our session, eren. we will talk more next friday? i feel like you've relieved yourself a lot for a first session. now, though i'm sure your doctor said this, i would recommend taking antidepressants and pain killers."

i agreed, taking my stuff. "and, try to stay on, eren. i know mr. rose doesn't like you yet, but give him more time, yes?"

"sure, miss torres."

she laughed. "i thought we were on a roll with alena! we'll have to come to an agreement next time, huh?"

"yes," i said, praising her before i left, sensing that tremendous block in my bosom thaw and mature to be mushy clay, but the tightness of my throat did not yield.