roses. | eren x levi

roses. | sixty-nine

he knows.

"what? eren, you told him?"

alena's profession as a therapist had dwindled into nothingness, implementing a more congenial ambiance than licensed. to me, she seemed like a companion who solely desired happiness to spring to my door. it reminded me too greatly of my sister, but nevertheless, i inclined into her touch.

i would never willingly tell him! he sort of just knew the minute he walked in, and i can't just lie to him.

"why not?"

i shrugged, not even troubling myself to compose an acknowledgment of her catechism. she chuckled and looked to a petite portrait on her desk, grinning with such a dismal luminosity as if she was reminiscing about succumbed passion.

"you're such a polite boy, eren. you remind me of my own son sometimes. lying to the one you love must feel like treason, doesn't it? ah, carefree love. i'm not that old — barely into my thirties, but i do miss being so irresponsibly free like you some days."

what do you mean, alena?

"offices are restricting, eren. so blindly restricting, you don't even seem to notice how the days always blur together in one familiar color scheme. though," she added, the last word oblique. 

"don't think for a second i'm complaining about my job. it's my passion to help others with their wounds and it's a blessing to see them get better every day. so now, eren, how have you taken the words i told you at the last appointment? how have you been treating yourself since then?"

i felt my face again, remembering the error i made.

i can't say i have been treating myself rather nicely. you would understand, right? 

her eyes dashed to the veil that concealed the sprouting leaves, though the sides had a few stray petals sticking out.

"well... as far as you can control. how have you been treating yourself mentally?"

a ridiculous tear trickled down, and i blasphemed myself for it. why was i crying all the time? was i nothing but an inadequate wailing weakling?

i've tried my best to see it as natural selection. i'm trying not to put the blame on anyone, but, it all seems to be my fault.

i wiped my tears with my gloved hands, but alena had already gotten up. 

"give me a hug, you."

i glanced up at her to observe her long spindly arms towards me, hardly an inch's reach apart. she furrowed her eyebrows when she noticed that i had not moved one bit.

"you deserve it, eren! please, just accept my hug."

although the tears and the roses operated contemporaneously to hinder my throat and make it unable to breathe, i stood at the desk and squeezed her until i was capable to breathe anew and allowed the irregular imperfections of a florist stain her shoulder, though her own subtle shakiness made it troublesome to stop.

at one interval of time, i pictured her arms to be much broader, her whispering voice to be more reverberating, for her stature to be much shorter.

when we diverged from one another's grasp, i did not see the fluctuating, russet hair of alena torres. alternatively, i saw the sharp and sooty black hair of a man i knew all too thoroughly, and yet, worried for the most.