roses. | eren x levi

roses. | forty-five

"well, we don't have many answers. i can confirm, however, that your paleness and you losing weight rapidly is because of the roses. they are feeding off of you, and i expect by your death, you will have multiple other reasons you could've died. dehydration, blood loss, starvation, to name a few. other than that? there's nothing much we can do. you have a poetic disease, rare, too, and all we can do is hope for more funding."

i dug my fists into my femora, despairingly begging with dr. lambert for a separate reply.

"there is something you can do, dr. lambert! surely there is! if i had a stomach virus, you wouldn't tell me i had to hope for more funding? tell me this is fixable."

dr. lambert hunkered down in his chair, sighing.

"i don't know what to tell you, mr. jaeger. there is nothing i can do, and we're utterly hopeless in this subject. donors come in daily, i can put in a request of money for your cause-"

"i don't want to fund! i want my lungs to be okay. they are okay, right? they must be okay. there is some way you can make them be okay, right?"

"mr. jaeger," dr. lambert said, his tone excessively tranquilizing. "have you been seeing your therapist lately?"

"what is that supposed to mean? do you think i'm going crazy? i'm not going crazy, how rude of you to imply that! am i crazy? you're a doctor, do you think i am crazy?"

he soothed my chattering, though my thoughts were rippling throughout, one more despondent than the following.

"you are not crazy, i can assure you. you are simply going through denial, and it's normal. it happens to all of us. though, i do think you should see your therapist."

"please, dr. lambert. i will never do anything to harm my lungs ever again, if you please, just slightly, fix me. i'm desperate, dr. lambert. i know you have the power. just... fix me."

"i cannot. doctors are not higher powers. we are human, and we need research to help people. unfortunately, we don't, so i have nothing that can help you in the position that you're in."

why was it me? why was it not mr. rose, or his beloved, or my latest client recently, or anyone besides me! i am a typical florist, living nothing short of a healthy lifestyle. 

i am fatigued and isolated, and i most certainly have no interest in a life-threatening cord connected to me.

if i was going to die a freak, i would've chosen a different option.