Let Me In

Chp. 12- Sticks and Stones

The next day at school, I couldn''t even bring myself to look at Taylor. I didn't want to give in to whatever he was planning to do, but a part of me only wanted to let him take control.

I wasn't ready for a relationship. Let alone any type of relationship with him. So what if I was attracted to him? Any girl would be. But I'm not dumb enough to believe anything he tried to say or do.

In Art class, which was another class I had with with Taylor, not to mention he happened to sit by me, I couldn't even fully focus on anything the teacher was saying. I felt so uncomfortable sitting next to him. I could feel his dark eyes burning a hole right through me. I'd elbow him every once in a while to make him stop, but he just kept staring.

I leaned in beside his ear and whispered, "I don't know what the fuck you're doing, but could you knock it off, I can't concentrate."

All I heard was a sly chuckle escape his lips. "Oh give it up Ava. Why don't you just quit the act now. I have done so much for you already. Why don't you find a way to repay me.." His voice trailed off as his hand slowly and dangerously started to raise up my thigh.

I shoved him away as hard as I could. "Go to hell."

I didn't have to look at him to know he was already smirking. "I'll stop by eventually.. and maybe I'll search at the end of the world for you."

I rolled my eyes in disgust and annoyance.

Soon enough, the teacher assigned us a clay statue project. We had to make something out of clay to symbolize ourselves. I decided to make an attempt at sculpting a pair of headphones. Music helped me through every problem or situation I had. Sometimes I thought it was the only thing I had.

I rolled up my dark grey long sleeves all the way up to my elbows. It was pretty ironic how I chose to wear long sleeves and sweatshirts due to the warm weather. But still unsure about revealing my cuts and scars to anybody, I wore them anyways.

"What are you making?" I heard Taylor try to make small talk from beside me.

"Headphones. You?"

"Cigarettes." He said quietly, as if almost ashamed for saying such a thing.

I looked over to his desk to see a bunch of rolled up peices of clay to resemble cigarettes. I tried so hard not to laugh, but his art skills were definetly not something to brag about.

"How could cigarettes symbolize you?" I asked in curiousity.

"How can a pair of headphones?" He shot back harshly to my surprise.

I took a moment at the thought. "Music brings me ease. I listen to it to reduce stress. Get my mind off things. Like a pain killer." I tried to explain.

"Well cigarettes do the same thing for me."

I haven't thought of it like that, honestly. But I don't think I could resort to drugs or drinking like Taylor has done. He goes to the absolute extremes to kill his sadness. And I had to admit, I felt kind of sorry for him. Something or someone in his life must of made him think that this was the only escape.

I pushed away the thoughts as I rolled up my sleeves more to make sure any clay couldn't ruin my shirt.

I could feel Taylor stop moving from beside me. Maybe he just didn't want to work anymore. But when I turned to him, his eyes were staring at one thing. My arms.

I quickly rolled my sleeves down as fast as I could and continued to sculpt, praying that he wouldn't say anything. This was not something to be talked about between me and him.

I tried to distract myself but all I could feel was Taylor's eyes continuing to pierce right through me. It was completely undeniable. I slowly peeked over at him, tryin to see if his eyes were still on me.

His eyes were filled with horror and even hurt as he stared at my cuts. I could feel the tears already form in my eyes. I was so ashamed, I never meant for him to see these. He's surely going to think differently of me and that's something I never wanted to happen.

Suddenly, he grabbed on to my wrist and dragged me out of my seat. I could hear the teacher ask where we were going but all I could focus on was him dragging me out of the classroom and into the hallway, still having a firm grip on my wrists.

"What the hell!" I protested as I managed to pull away from him.

"Show me your arms." Taylor commanded, his arms now folded across his chest.

"No." My voice came out small as my eyes shot away from him, avoiding his glare.

He grabbed my wrist, shoving the sleeve up my arm harshly. My arms were exposed. My cuts and scars were exposed. I was exposed. And I didn't like this feeling at all.

His eyes flashed again with horror as the pad of his thumb rubbed over some of my scars. I couldn't stop any of the tears that began to immediately leave my eyes.

"Ava.." he spoke softly, as he pulled me into him, throwing his arms around my waist. I could feel his strength hold me like he was protecting me from the outside world. I stood there in his arms, clutching onto his chest as I cried.

I heard him faintly whisper to me, "Why do you continue to shut me out? Why don't you just let me in.."

Let me in.

The words echoed in my head over and over. One simple thing. Just to let one tear fall.. along with the walls I built these past months.

No. I couldn't. I wasn't ready.

I felt myself push away from Taylor and his warm embrace. I shook my head frantically as I turned away from him. I started to run as I neared towards the exit of the school.

I ran away from my problems and didn't look back. It was the only thing I knew how to do.

..

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