Let Me In

Chp. 13- Poetry Slams and Daddy Issues

3 months already into the school year. I was numb to most of my feelings ever since that day with Taylor. He never mentioned it to me or anyone after that. And I appreciated it. I didn't want to imagine what could of happened if I didn't do what I did. But yet, in a way, a part of me longed for him.

A physical longing but also his oddly caring behavior that he tried so hard to cover up by his anger and cigarettes. Everything about him screamed trouble. But something inside me refused to listen. But what was under that bad boy cover. The sense of safety I felt when I was with him. The feeling of relief whenever he held me close..

Oh my god. What was happening to me? He has his reputation for a reason. I should know better. He's just going to let me down.

A constant war was raging between my heart and brain. A war that would go on forever. The only thing I could think was to ignore it. It was easier to ignore everything rather than consume to it. Maybe everybody was right anyways. Taylor is just another bad boy heartbreaker.

..

I was sitting down at my usual spot for lunch. I had my earphones in listening to Tiny Heart by Flyleaf, munching on a bag of chocolate chip crackers I had saved in my backpack. I took out my earphones as I saw Mitch and Dylan walk over to sit with me.

"Soooooo.." Mitch said with a look of excitement on her face.

"So what?"

"Your birthday's tomorrow!" Dylan shouted excitedly.

"Yeah.. it is." I simply shrugged.

"And we have to celebrate!" Mitch added in.

"Why? It's just another day to my death."

"C'mon Ava." Mitch said stretching out the 'a'. "It's a day for us to appreciate and admire your existence on this planet."

"You should be doing that everyday." I chuckled. "Plus, I already made plans with my bed and my laptop. Were having a special night together."

"Ava! C'mon there's a Tori Kelly concert nearby and a fair not so far from here." Dylan said with a hopeful face.

I looked at the both of them. I didn't listen to Tori Kelly that much but I could tell they really wanted me to do this. I had to admit, I didn't really go anywhere besides the park down my street, Mitch's house, or somewhere Taylor wasn't.

Taylor and I would rarely talk now. Especially since him and Kylie got back together. Everytime I walked down the hall, all I would see was them sucking each other's faces off.

I didn't care, really. I couldn't. There wasn't anything going on between me and him. I had made it very clear to him.

So why was it still so hard to look at him?

"Fine." I said finally giving in to their proposal.

An excited look took over both of their faces as they started to plan out my special day. I wasn't paying much attention however. I didn't really pay much attention to anything. But in a way, it was easier to.

After school I usually went to Mitch's house and we'd watch music videos and go on social media. But this time she started to ramvle on and on about this boy she had her eye on for quite some time now. It was the same boy who hung out with Taylor and the one who dragged me up the stairs the night of the party. Xavier, was his name. He was tall, tan, and was interested with almost everything Mitch was into.

I was happy for her. Due to her parent's recent divorce, she needed all the comfort and support. Luckily, she was staying here with her dad while her mom was moving to another town with her younger brother. I was sad to see the little booger go.

"It's already dark, Mitch." I said looking out her bedroom window. "I have to go."

"Do you want my dad to give you a ride?"

"Huh? Oh, no. I'm fine, I'm just gonna walk home. I need to get stuff off my mind anyways." I lied. I didn't really think about anything when I was alone. Whenever I got home, I'd keep my eyes glued to my TV screen 24/7 just to fill my time. As for my dad, well he still had his drunk nights. But due to his new construction job, he promised he would clean up.

He of course, broke his promise.

I shoved my hand into my backpack, reaching for my house key. I pressed the key in the lock, unlocking the door then soon wishing I hadn't. I closed the door and turned around to see the glass coffee table in the living room shattered into peices. Glass shards scattered the floor and potraits from the wall were flung to the ground as well. My eyes widened at the mess. Oh, no. Please don't let be one of these nights, I thought.

"Dad!" I called out. But no one responded.

I tiptoed to my room, avoiding peices of glass. I opened my bedroom door and almost jumped in fright.

My dad was like a shadow, sitting on my bed, his muffled sniffs filling the room. He was crying. He had a empty bottle of whiskey in one hand and a picture in another.

"Dad?" I whispered as my voice started to break as I slowly stepped towards him.

I stared down at the picture he held delicately in his large hands. It was a picture of my mom and I.

"She was so beautiful.." my dad started to say, "I met her at a poetry slam. One of my friends dragged me along to it, wanting me to support her. So I did. But when your mother came on stage.. Oh god. Her words so softly spoken.. the way her fingers caressed the microphone. I immediately fell in love with her." He openly admitted, "I was a musician at the time, wanting to make music, so I thought it'd be a great idea to impress her with a song. I got so nervous, my voice cracked. I thought I blew it.. but it turned out, I won your mother's heart that day." He said looking up at me with teary eyes.

"When your mom.." he explained looking down at the picture again."When she said she was pregnant with you.. I was scared. I told her I wasn't ready to be a father yet. I had my whole life ahead of me making music." He stopped, quietly chuckling to himself as a tear rolled down his cheek. "My band broke up two weeks before she told me that. I just needed an excuse because.. because I was afraid I wasn't good enough. I wasn't good enough to have her or be with her. I was afraid I wasn't good enough to be a father.. to be your father."

He let go of the empty whisley bottle, cupping his hand over his eyes as he wept. I sat down beside him, slinging my arm over him in comfort.

"You're here now.." I murmured.

My father walked out on my mom and I, for the same reason I walked out on Taylor.

I guess I truly am my father's daughter.