Let Me In

Chp. 28- Welcome To The Cigarette Club

We drove to the party, parking right in front of the house. Just as we got out of the car, I could hear the music blasting from within the house. I wasn't so sure I wanted to go inside yet, I could already feel myself getting nauseated.

"You two go ahead," I called out to Dylan and Mitch, "I'll stay out here. I'm still recovering from a headache." They both gave me an understanding look before diappearing inside the chaotic party house.

I leaned against the car, wondering if coming here was such a good idea. After all, I was only going to  he crowded around people who smelt like alcohol and cheap cologne. I looked down at myself, too lost in thought as people scurried inside the house.

Suddenly, I heard a familiar voice call my name.

"Well hello there, Avalyn."

My jead looked up and my eyes widened as he stood a couple of feet in front of me. It was him.

He was wearing a black rolled up long sleeve, khakis, and black vans. His hair was growing longer in the back. I tried to fight back a smile as I studied his appearance.

"You look beautiful." He smirked as his eyes scanned my body. I could feel my cheeks burn up as I looked away, trying to avoid his gaze.

"What are you doing out here?" He asked, inching towards me.

"I just needed some fresh air." I lied.

"I didn't even see you go inside." He chuckled in response. Shit, I knew he had caught me in a lie but I wasn't about to tell him that I was too afraid to bump into him.

"Why would you even be looking for me in the first place." I said, raising an eyebrow. His cheeks flushed as it was his turn to avoid my gaxe. My eyes traveled from his eyes down to his hands. He was holding a bottle, vodka filled to the very cap.

"Is that all to yourself?" I asked. pointing to the liqour.

He looked down at the bottle for a moment before returning my gaze. "Not anymore."

He walked towards me and leaned against the car as well. I glanced over at him, watching him open the bottle and take a swig.

"Want some?" He asked, gesturing it to me.

I hesitated for a moment before I took the bottle from his hand. I leaned my head back, taking a few gulps of the vodka.

"Slow down." He laughed lightly.

He pulled out his pack of cigarettes, putting one in his mouth.

"Can I have one?" I heard the words escape my mouth. His eyebrows shot up as he looked to me. He smiled to himself, handing me one from his pack. Taking out a lighter from his back pocket, he brought it up to the end of his cigarette before doing so with mine. I took a deep breath of the nicotine as I felt my mind clear. I exhaled the smoke, watching it disappear into thin air.

"Welcome to the cigarette club." He chuckled.

I'm not sure wether it was the nicotine or alcohol, but I started to feel a lot better.

"Do you want to get out here?" I asked turning to Taylor. I didn't want to be at this party.

"Sure." He smiled, "Parties are not my thing anyways."

We walked to a nearby park down the street. The stars were glowing above us, as we sat down on a bench. Taking turns of drinking vodka and smoking our cigarettes, we began to talk.

"So what have you been up to lately?" He asked laying the bottle next to him.

"Nothing much, really. Been staying home most of the time. And you?"

"Trying to be anywhere but my house." He chuckled in response.

"How's your mom?"

"She's good.." His voice started to trail off, "Daniel asks about you."

I glanced over to him to already see his eyes boring into mine.

"He misses you a lot.." he spoke softly. Something in my gut had told me he wasn't talking about Daniel anymore.

"I miss him too.." I said barely above a whisper.

"Ava.. I'm so sorry.."

I looked away from his dark eyes, not quite knowing what to say. I didn't want to talk about this

"For everything I've done to you.. I didn't- I didn't mean for things to get so out of hand and I just- I'm sorry. What I'm trying to say is that I-I didn't know what I felt for you until you left.. I don't know what's been going on with me. I can't stop thinking about you and it's going to drive me insane."

"I'm sorry." I interupted him, "But I can't.. I can't do this." I had to stop this before it was too late. Before one of us got hurt; or worse, before we both did.

"Ava, listen to me. I know you're scared I'm going to hurt you. That I'm just going to leave you after I get bored with you. But that's not true. And if you could just give me a chance-"

"No." I said as I stood up from the bench, "Don't you get it? Before I moved here, I was doing just fine. I had a mom to lean on, bestfriends to turn to, a boyfriend I could love. But once my mom died, I pushed everyone away. Everything in my life that was good, I've broken. It's my fault my life is like this.." I could feel my eyes fill with moisture as I spoke, "It's not that I'm scared you will hurt me.. I'm just scared I'll hurt you first.."

Taylor stood up, holding me in his grasp. I tried to conceal my tears, not quiet ready to break down in front of him. I hated feeling this vulnerable, especially around him.

"Push me away all you want, I'm only going to hold you tighter. You can't get rid of me that easily, I won't let you.."

"You can't fix me.." I whispered into his chest, "You're just going to hurt yourself trying to mend me."

"You're not as broken as you think," He breathed, "I don't care if I only cut myself piecing back your shards. If it means you loving me back, I'll gladly take a thousand wounds."