Let Me In

Chp. 34- Insecurity Is A Bitch

I sat down on my bed, wanting to feel his touch again. My skin burned whenever I felt his touch. But in a good way. I could only think about what happened last night. The eay our bodies interwined and perfectly motioned together. It was something I have never experienced before. To recieve so much love. It was overwhelming, knowing that he loved me so much. I could tell by his soft gentle gaze as he looked at me. He kept that beautiful gaze the whole night. Looking at me as if he had the whole world right in his grasp. I'd be lying if I said it didn't scare the hell out of me. I didn't feel like this about anyone. Not even could this feeling come close to what I had with Matthew. His love was sweet, pure. Occasional butterflies here and there. Shy smiles and stolen glances as a smile seemed to be glued to my face. It was honest. It was simple.

But the feeling I got when I was with Taylor, it made itself into something more. Finding my brain and heart torn in two. Nothing made me happier. And nothing made me sadder. I didn't know what it was like to have something I didn't even know I was searching for. But I found it as soon as my eyes laid on him. It was intense and passionate. It felt like real love. It ached my heart but kept me going through every night and day.

I knew that I wanted him. I decided on him. I like the way he smelled, the way his voice sounded at the thought of me. I wanted that. For as long as my heart could take me. But I was scared. Why? Because this feeling was so new. So unfamiliar that it made me afraid out of my mind. What if he didn't want me as much as I wanted him?

Are you crazy, he even admitted to you he wants you.

What if he was going to get bored after a while? Start to lose interest and his feelings for me.

The thought of him shattered me to the core. Stop. I couldn't think like this anymore.

I needed to let him know how I felt. If I didn't, I swear I'd explode. The only thing was.. I was still scared. I was used to this vulnerability, this weakness. It clinged me like a puppet on strings. I'd only rush it he I told him.

How could it be rushing if he already told he loves you?

I have heard Taylor whisper his 'I love you's' when he thought I wasn't paying attention. But the only time he told me he actually loved me was at a completely random moment. And I froze. I didn't say it back.

When we had sex, I wasn't sure if it was out of lust or love. But as soon as I left the next morning, the sudden aching that plunged into my heart as if I was never going to seem him again. I knew that it was out of love. And I needed to let him know.

I reached out for my phone bringing up Taylor's and I conversation. If I wanted to do this, I had to do this the right way.

A: Let's go for a drive tonight? There's something I've been meaning to tell you.

T: I'll pick you up at 8

Great. I was going to do this. I was going to profess my utterly dying love to him. Realizing what I had just done made me snap back to reality and an instant bolt of fear hit.

What the fuck have I gotten myself into.
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Hey guys, it feels like forever since I have last updated! I'm sorry, I just really seemed to have dazed off from this story. I felt like I was losing interest in writing it. Not only just a couple of minutes ago was I hit with inspiration. And something inside me went bazerk so I had to spill out a new chapter.

So, after this book I have really been contemplating wether a not a sequel is going to rise up from ashes. I'm still debating. I want to because I feel like new sparks are going to arise, hearts are going to be broken, and new people are going to come into Taylor's and Ava's lives. There is nothing more than a twist in the plot. Is there really a forever?

*waits for dramatic affect* dun DUN DUUUUNN!!

But then again, this whole bad boy topic thing is really over used. I tried to switch it up as best as I could. But something keeps on poking me to write something different. Any ideas? Please let me know with a comment!