Finding my Leelen [completed]

Chapter 8 The first cloud

I woke up in a weird position, my head is sitting on something hard and hot, my legs braided with my blanket and somehow my pillow goes up and down. I've realized that despite the unusual position I've never slept so good in my life: no nighmers, no waking up, no...

-Good morning, leelan! a voice says and I jump out of bed trying to put some distance between me and the stranger. Leelen...

I look around trying to figure it out where am I: I'm home, that's good. I lift my head to find two beautiful green eyes looking at me, scanning me, searching answers on my face. As I look at him I calm down remembering yesterday's events. I'm fine, I'm safe as long as I am with Dimitri. I trust him... 

He seems sad, not knowing what to do with his hands he keeps them on his knees, breathing slowly and waiting for me to calm down.

-Good morning, I say closing the distance between us and kissing him slowly. I'm sorry I've jumped like that... I totally forgot yesterday's events, I think it was because I've never in my life slept so well. 

He smiles hugging me and kissing my forehead. 

-Good to hear you sleep well with me, because I plan on being next to you every night from now on. 

He kisses me, laying me on the bed, standing half on top of me and half on the bed. I realize he stays like this so he could get up as fast as possible in case I would panic. But I don't. I touch his bare chest, feeling his muscles tightening under my touch. I caress his back feeling some scars on it, wondering how he got them. I take my time touching each part of his body, his face, enjoying the  feeling of him so close to me. He has his eyes closed while kissing me, his hands on each side of my body supporting his weight and soft moans escape his throat. It gives me goosebumps and it makes me rub my legs shamelessly.God, I can't believe this beautiful male really is my mate.

He opens his eyes and looks at me not daring to ask me, too afraid I will get scarred. I look him in the eyes and nod.

-You can, I say reaching for his lips. 

His right hand lean on my waist, caressing me slowly, while his lips are tracing my face, my neck. The kisses my neck softly, breathing in and out on my skin making me shiver. I moan overwhelmed by his touch, by how sweet and caring he is, by how close I am to a guy and how much closer I would like to be. 

I close my eyes letting each sensation take over me, trying to memorize each touch, each feeling, each one of our moans. But behind my eyes, in the dark, I feel other hands on my body, not Dimitri's, and my heart starts beating fast. I turn my head breaking the kiss and bite my lips to keep screams from getting out.

Suddenly hands are no longer on my body, no longer tormenting me, I exhale relieved, not daring to open my eyes just yet. I know the hell is not over yet, they never stop just like this, I brace myself for the pain that I know will come.

-Open your eyes, Anays! a voice that I've already got so used to demendes me. Please, open your eyes.

Dimitri is standing next to my bed looking worried, like he's just about to lose his temper. I realized I've just mistaken his soft touches with the horrible ones given by those monsters. I feel tears on my cheeks and I'm afraid Dimitri will get mad, mad at how broken I am, mad at the fact that he can't even touch his mate...

-I'm so sorry, I say crying. I... I don't think this will work, I confess to him and he makes a noise like he was just been punched in the stomach. 

-Don't say that, Anays! I'm begging you, don't say that...

-Look at me, Dimitri! I say yelling. Look at me, I'm fucked up, can't you see it? I want to touch you and be touched by you, for the fucking first time in my life I really want to be with someone. With you! I'm crying and yelling feeling how much of a ghost I am. And I can't! I just can't! As soon as I closed my eyes I felt their hands on me, I felt trapped again, too afraid to say something.