Finding my Leelen [completed]

Chapter 12 Erasing all the bad memories

I go in the bedroom to find Dimitri staying on the floor, bracing his knees with a sad look on his face.

-What happened? I ask him sitting in front of him, making him look into my eyes.

-Nothing, he leans forward kissing my forehead and faking a smile.

I might not know him for too much time, but it's not hard to see something is bothering him.

-Tell me. Please! I want to know!

-No, you don't, leelen.

He avoids my gaze and I know in that instant what happened. He saw me! He saw me for the first time having a nightmare and I've told him I have at least one every time I sleep... I didn't had them with him until now, but if I will he couldn't deal with it.

I feel tears gathering and I breath in and out. In and out, enjoying the air in my lungs. I'm broken, I am beyond repair and he now knows it.

-Please, call Raze and ask him to send Dara to stay with me.

He lifts his had fast with horror in his beautiful green eyes.

-What? What do you mean? Why?

-Just do it! I... I told you I'm broke, I say with anger, tears falling on my cheeks, I've told you! You gave me hope, for fuck's sake! Why would you do that? Just to break my heart even more?!

-What are you talking about? He says yelling back at me. What have I done wrong?

-You know what, Dimitri? Go to hell! I wished you never told me about this stupid bond!

The words are out of my mouth before I could stop myself and I regret them immediately. He puts his hands on my shoulders, pulls me so close to him I can smell his sweet breath and I can not stop myself from closing my eyes, open my mouth just a bit my lips waiting for his to touch them.

-You don't mean that! So talk to me! he demands. What have I done wrong? How did I offended you?

-You saw me... you saw how broke I really was and you pushed me away.

-What the hell are you talking about? I open my eyes when I hear the anger in his voice to meet his white gaze.

-Don't act...

-Does it seems to you that I am acting? he says pulling me in a tight embraces.

-Live me alone! I say but my words are weak, I don't really want him to live me, I want to stay there in his arms bathing in his minty scent.

-I will not live you, not now nor ever. I don't have any idea what made you believe I am pushing you away, but, I swear to you, I am not! I want to push away... he says tightening his arms around me. I want to fucking push the air between us, hold you so close I will not know where I end and you begin! That's what I want to fucking push away.

I put my arms around his waist when I hear Dimitri's words, holding him as tight as I can, too afraid he might be in fact living.

-Leelen, he says lifting my face so he could kiss my lips. My beautiful leelen! Mine! he says kissing me with hunger.

I push him away breaking the kiss remembering there is still something that is bothering him and I want to know what it is... I want to fix whatever he saw in me that made him sad like that.

-Tell me then. Tell me what happened, what did you see in me that made you sad? he looks at me with even sadder eyes. I can try to change it, whatever it is...

-It's not you, it's not about you. I've told you, you are perfect! It's me, leelen, it's me! he says putting his hand on his head pulling his hair backwards.