My Philophobia G.D.

41

We spent the last 1 hour eating and talking.
I don't know when we will leave.
"Gray, when are we leaving?" I ask noticing that he didn't get ready or do his laggueges.
"4 p.m. We have to be at the airport 1 hour before for the check in"
I look at my wrist and I notice that he needs to do his laggueges and we don't have enough time.
"it's already 1.45" I look at him with my rised eyebrows.
"I know" he sits near Jack and Ethan that are now playing with the playstation "I need to talk to Ethan! Could you help me with my laggueges?" he looks at his phone while I'm behind the couch.
His eyes are lost and I know that he is focused on the phone because of his dad. I wish I could go near him and tell him that I'll be there for him for everything that he'll have to face, but I really don't feel like doing it. It wuold be a fake action. I want to help him and Ethan too, but am I the right person that could help a broken person?
No. I wish I could help myself and change everything in my mind, my world! But I was not able to do that because of those imagines that keep on creating nightmares in my mind.
"yeah, of course. Where's the lagguege?"
"the bag is the orange Louis Vuitton that is in the wardrobe"
I don't answer because he is totally ignoring me. I look at Kylie and she comes with me upstairs.

I've been choosing Grays clothes for half an hour now and I am still watching at some shirts that I like but I don't know if they are the right ones to bring for the occasion.
"I'll go take a glass of water" I say placing a withe shirt back in the wardrobe.

I make my way downstairs and hear Grayson's voice say my name.
"when she's near me it feels like she is afraid to do what she feels.
I feel like she has the power to control me and I don't understand this feeling.
When she's in front of me she has that cold look in her eyes that starts this war inside my head...a war between my eyes and hers.
Her eyes make me feel a shiver down my spine that I can barely control.
But there's something E...I try to understand through her eyes but in the right moment that I see something, I feel like there's a wall of ice in front of me. It's like when I try to tell her that I don't want to leave her,  her eyes wonder and feel like I won over her rationality, she let's me know through them that she was believing in it but in that moment she backs off.
I don't know...I have that feeling that she stops herself from a mistake that she knows she'll make.
And that's the moment when she ends the war between mine and her eyes and I can't read them anymore. "

What he said is true. I lived that moment too and that's what really happened.
I was falling for it...I was nearly believing that he might be the one to change the bad memories in my life, but he did the biggest mistake: he tried to tell me through his eyes that he'll stay by my side, that he won't leave. That's when I got back to realise that what was happening was only a daydream.

Things like these only happen in books and movies but my life is a true story that doesn't have a happy ending.
He had the power to read my soul for a moment and that's one of the biggest mistake that I made.
Let him do that.

I can't let people read my mind.
I learned to control my eyes, my heart, my body and every piece that composes my body.
And I was nearly loosing the control of everything.

I snap out of my thoughts.
I don't take my glass of water.
I go back upstairs.

"hey...your water?" Kylie asks looking at my empty hands.
"I changed my mind"
"okay, when you'll want to talk I'm here" she tells me, understanding that what I said just a second before was a lie.
I look at her for a moment and give up.
I trust Kylie and she understands me, she's not my enemy. I never lie to her and I don't know why I am doing this now.

I sit on the edge of the bed and tell her what I heard.

"Hailee" I hear Gray's voice getting closer to the room me and Kylie are in.
His eyes meet mine when he opens the door and reveals his fit body in front of me.
"I packed your clothes and some of your perfumes. If you need anything else you can just put it inside the beg."
I ask not getting closer to him.
I don't feel like doing that...not after what I heard and I felt.
I don't express my feelings to people and in these moments it is even harder for me.
" Thank you"he says noticing that I didn't move "I came to tell you that Noah called me and he's coming here."