before i start talking, yes, i'm finally working on the chapters :') not getting myself too sidetracked.
i've mentioned this quite a bit for all this time i've been writing: my adhd makes me feel incompetent. all the time.
my thought process is so different from everyone else's. i always think someone's talking about one thing when they're talking about something much different. when we figure that out, i sometimes end up getting laughed at.
i've learned to brush it off in conversation, but i feel very bad about myself when it happens.
it happens too often irl too. i get so embarrassed talking to people that it keeps me from talking to others when i want to. i've become so socially insecure that it's just better for me to keep my mouth shut than risk me saying something stupid.
i need people to be very specific and not assume that i can understand what they're saying if they're speaking very simply.
there's been a few times where people have said one word expecting me to understand what it's supposed to mean without any sort of context. i feel stupid when they tell me cuz then it's like, duh, why didn't my brain go there first?
i fucking hate talking to people. i just end up feeling bad about myself.
i think the reason i always overexplain is cuz i feel like i'm doing good for the person i'm talking to. i'm giving them what i personally need, but they would've understood what i said without all the extra details.
adhd doesn't inherently make you stupid, but i am definitely that.
i don't want people feel like they have to accommodate for my needs every time we talk as well. i don't want talking to me to be an unnecessary burden. i don't want anyone to feel annoyed trying to talk to me.
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and i hate feeling like i'm using my adhd to excuse what i do and/or why i do it.
people don't understand how many areas of the brain adhd affects and how it plays into everyday life.
the only person i don't feel stupid talking to is casey, but just yesterday, i was being dumb. i don't remember what i said, just how i felt. i'm dumb. i say stupid shit all the time cuz i am stupid.
i'm a burden for everyone else. i'm fine with being lonely.
