Welcome to Hell {Prinxiety}

Chapter 23

Logan's POV

While everyone else has gone about their lives making conversation like what I assume is done at a normal social gathering, I follow Emile to the kitchen when he goes to get some water. He glances over his shoulder knowingly, though I'm not sure what he found so intriguing about me simply going to the kitchen around the same time as him. Honestly I'm surprised he noticed my presence at all, though that is probably part of his job, noticing every individual in a room.

"Hello Logan, do you how do?" He asks, taking a sip from his refilled drink.

Used to his strange greetings I continue on, "I was hoping you could help me understand certain 'feelings' I may or may not have."

"Ah, so you're finally ready to have that kind of talk," He says with a smile, "Let me guess, you've developed some 'strange' feelings for Patton and you're hoping I can help you understand them?"

"Well yes that would be beneficial for my purposes," I admit.

"Logan, I can't just explain your emotions to you because I don't feel your feelings. Does that make sense?" He says, "Everyone describes their feelings differently, so doing that probably won't help either. The last thing I'd want is to falsely 'diagnose' you."

I sigh, "It is reasonable to assume that my explanation of my feelings might not match up with your understanding of them," That will certainly complicate things.

Emile thinks for a moment, "What if I ask you questions, more based on physical reactions you have to Patton than on your emotions themselves?" He suggests.

"Alright, but can we discuss this further in private?" I request, "I know from experience that Remus and Janus are not above eavesdropping."

Both of them like to gather information on others for several reasons. Remus personally does it for fun and to mess with others. Janus on the other hand keeps them for 'blackmail' and figuratively holds them against you to get his way if the need should arise.

He nods, "Of course."

I lead him upstairs to my room, seeing as it seems like the best place to discuss this topic. The old stairs will undoubtedly creak and alert us if anyone attempts to climb them. Hopefully this detail can help me protect my secret better.

"So, what questions do you have to help determine whether or not I have a 'crush' on Patton?" I inquire, having become familiar with the childish term for romantic feelings for someone.

"Well, when you're around him does your face feel warm and does your heart rate become irregular?" He asks, sitting on my desk chair.

"I suppose so...is that a normal symptom of infatuation?" If so, why does everyone talk so highly of it? Being constantly uncomfortable and flustered around someone that might become your significant other seems like it would be more work than it's worth.

He laughs, "Love isn't a disease Logan, it doesn't have symptoms. When we're around someone we're attracted to, we tend to be more anxious because you wouldn't want to cause that person to dislike you," He explains, "This form of anxiety can cause overheating, blushing, accelerated heart rate, and can make your hands clammy."

"How can someone's hands be similar to a clam?" Emile usually makes sense, even when he phrases things strangely to confuse his patients with the intention of calming them, so I don't understand his reasoning behind comparing my hands to a clam.

"Figuratively Logan, figuratively," He tells me patiently, "It means they become cold and sweaty, kind of like what an actual clam feels like."

I will have to add that definition to a notecard, I'm really getting behind on those, "Alright... So say I do experience those when I'm around Patton, how do I know that it is love?"

"You don't know," He says simply, even though his words are far from it, "It's just one of those things you figure out inexplicably, but just because you aren't sure right now doesn't mean that you don't love him. From what I've gathered, it does seem that you would like to be in a romantic relationship with Patton."

"How can you be so sure of that when even I am not?" I question. I had hoped this conversation would clear up my feelings, not confuse me more. Personally, I hated feeling confused.

"Frankly," He says with a smile, "You're an idiot. It makes sense that you aren't the best at recognizing your own feelings since you ignored them for so long. Just...talk to Patton about this and if it doesn't feel right, then that's okay."

For once, I'm at a loss for words, "Thank you Emile, I shall try."

He brightens, "No problem!" He gets up and leaves the room and after a minute, I follow.

I ponder his words for the remaining time with our 'guests' instead of paying attention to the conversation. Eventually, they all leave except Patton of course seeing as he lives here. We clean up the leftover food and drinks that were left sitting out, glad that Remus didn't spill anything.

Janus and Remus really appeared to affect the other, could it be because of their feelings? They are in a relationship, and since they both have become arguably better people. I've noticed the same phenomenon with Remy and Emile. Since they started dating, Remy has worked harder to normalize his sleep schedule, and Emile has become more grounded and responsible.

It seems that love can be quite a powerful distraction, and yet it helps better all people in the relationship. I might have to ask Patton or Emile about these occurrences though to understand why this occurs.

Maybe love isn't as troublesome as I first thought it would be.