Hunger

Hunger 11/28/2012 Wednesday 9:11am

Hunger

By Mark Alan Trimeloni

Continued on 11/28/2012

My name is John and I’m a food addict.

Nov 28th 2012

9:11am

I woke up this morning hungry.  The third day is the worse one for the physical hunger.  After that, it tapers off to where I don't feel hungry at all.  That's when the mental battle really heats up.  I'm not looking forward to tonight.  It will get really bad tonight as my body is crying out for food and my mind plays tricks on me to get me to eat.

There is nothing left in the apartment to eat except my diet food.  For me diet food is hotdogs, bread, and mashed potatoes.  I threw away the deer salami this morning (actually a few minutes ago).  No matter how hungry I get I know I won't eat that crap.  It's dry and doesn't taste right.  So good riddance.  I used to get upset when there was no food in the fridge.  Right now, the only things I have in there is a bottle of funny tasting ketchup.  I should throw it out, but for some reason I can't bring myself to do so.  So it sits waiting to be put on a hotdog.  I had hotdogs last night, but no way I was going to mess up the flavor of them with that acidic tasting ketchup.  Serves me right for getting the store brand.  But I’ve had plenty of the store brand and it never tasted like this ketchup does.  I've had it a few times so it's not dangerous.  I didn't get sick from eating it.  Just that now I get so little to eat I don't want to ruin what little pleasure food has for me.

I felt better after I ate last night.  The physical hunger gets really strong at times.  Like when I was walking into the room to do my hunger journal, I was hit with this overwhelming emptiness.  I felt like I needed to eat anything.  I considered the instant mashed potatoes.  The only food besides the peanut butter (which oddly I had no interest in) that isn't frozen.  I could thaw the hotdogs easily enough in the microwave, but the frozen bread might not microwave so well.  I normally let that sit out to thaw.  Which reminds me I have to put some bread and hotdogs out to thaw for tonight’s meal.

I did not go back and take the cookies out of the trash.  I never really had a craving to do so.  The cookies are the kind I call office cookies.  Usually big packs of 100 or more that are basically two sides with crème in the middle.  Cheap for when you have to bring something to the office for a holiday party.  Don't really have a big crush on those.

The day should be a good one.  I'm getting together with my mom again to walk.  I froze my butt off yesterday, but it was good to get out of the apartment.  Too much time spent here may cause me to relapse into an eating binge.  I have nothing much to eat here, but I've already felt the urge to hit the few diet food items I have left.  Then it will escalate to other foods brought in by a frenzied food run.  I don't want to fail this time.  So I’ll drink my water and be strong.

Good things about not overeating.  Getting to the end of the going to the bathroom phase.  The longer the diet goes the fewer trips to the toilet I make.  I don't have the shortness of breath anymore.  More time to do other things.  I didn't have to make a trip to the store.  There are fewer dishes.  Less food prep.  I broke down the hotdogs and bread into zip loc baggies last night so now I have food for weeks.  I am getting the feeling back in my toes.  Been a while for that.

8:15pm

I got together with my mom today and we walked.  We could only make one lap around the park because of the cold.  It was good to get out of the apartment.  I ate my diet meal around 5:30pm and have been a little hungry since then, but nothing I can’t manage.  I weighed myself at 325.  I was at this weight on the last diet before I started eating again.  I’ll post a video journal including a weigh in at the end of the week.  I’m thinking Friday.  Well I’ve been on the diet for three days and seem to be making good progress.  I’ll see you tomorrow.