Hunger

Hunger 12/1/2012 Saturday

Hunger

By Mark Alan Trimeloni

Continued on 12/1/2012

My name is John and I'm a food addict.

December 1st 2012

4:07pm

Well it's time to deal with the fallout from yesterday.  I did go off the diet.  The food I ate yesterday will be included on two videos.  Not because two videos were needed to fit all the food on, but because I was getting ready to eat and the other food was in the kitchen and I didn't want to get up and make a video of the kitchen food at that time.  I don't think I did too bad.  I weighed myself and came in at 326.  A temporary gain of 2 lbs.  The uplift to my spirit was incredible.  I was able to endulge my binge eating with the knowledge I would go back on the diet the following day.  This both appeased my mental torture and took away the physical hunger.  I needed this time off.  I will use Friday as my binge eating day.  My day to go wild.  I'm not going to look at this day as a negative.  Instead I'm going to call it Victory Day.  A day to celebrate my victory of dieting the rest of the week.  Something for me to look forward to.

I did not get the large pepperoni pizza with bacon as planned.  I tried calling the pizza place and the line rang and rang.  Finally it disconnected.  I don't know what the problem was.  So I had a roast beef melt, cheese fries, 2 liter soda, box of swiss cake rolls, and a bag of cajun sweet & spicy mix (see the videos).  I ate right up until midnight.  After that, I went back on the diet and threw away the rest of the cajun mix.  I have nothing left over from yesterday.  Now to cover how this over eating affected me.

The initial effects were limited.  I had to go to the bathroom one extra time.  I didn't get any real bad physical side effects from the over eating.  So that was a good thing.  It means I can break off and not have to suffer too much from it.  Once I got over the initial guilt and realized that just because I gave myself a day off the diet wasn't going to end, I could relax and enjoy the day.  The mental benefit was great.  I felt good again.  I felt alive.  I even looked forward to going back on the diet the next day.  I knew that I could moderate my eating.

Today I've been on the diet and there is little of the wanting to break off mind games.  I did get several thoughts about taking an extra day, but these have been weak at best.  I am resigned that another victory day is coming up and it's not that far away.  With that in mind, I can diet without thoughts of never being able to enjoy food again.  This is a huge weight off my mind.  Now I can move forward confidently with the diet knowing I will have my time at the end of the work week.