The only one for me

chapter fifteen

Christian
I am sorry Christian. I am sorry. I just can't be with you. I can't handle it. I can't live with the fact that...the fact that ...the fact that ....you are....

I see her walk away. She doesn't look back. She doesn't look like she is gonna change her mind. And when she is almost disappearing, my eyes force themselves open. I don't want to see her leave. Not her to.

I feel a tear flow down the side of my head. Not because of the strong headache I am having. But because of the fear I have in me. The fear of something that might happen. Of something that might be happening.

For a while I stare at the ceiling wondering, how life could be so cruel to me. Not that I didn't know it. But because ever since she came around she keeps making me think of how unlucky I am.

Not that I didn't know. I just didn't realise how bad it was till she came around. I get out bed and stand by the window frame looking at the flower garden in the backyard.

I know where I am. This is William's house. How did I even get here?I should leave.
"Good morning. "I don't want to look at him. He is going to reprimand me like the rest of them.

"Here. "he hands me a glass of water and morphine. My head really is hurting. One won't do. He pulls out another pill of morphine.
"Two?"
I get them and take them.

The effect is so soon.
"Zayn will  be here soon with clothes."
"How did I get here?"I ask keeping my eyes off him. I don't want to see whatever emotion is in them.

"Well, I called you and your P.A Dana picked up your phone. "
At the mention of Dana's name my heart starts to beat rapidly.
"She said she needed help getting you home. So I dropped by and here you are. Coffee?"
He says pushing the cup towards my face.

He knows how much I love coffee  in the morning. I get it from his hand, looking at his face for the first time. He is not reprimanding me, he is not judging me. He is welcoming me.

I look away taking a sip of my coffee. It is not as good as Dana's but I will take it.He stands across me looking at the garden. There is a  silence in the room. But it's comfortable. There is no tension.
"I like her. "he says his gaze travelling to me.
"Dana. She is a good choice. "

I want to tell him how I think the same. Not think but know but admitting to it might just not be what am looking for right now. So I just look back at the rose bush I have been looking at.

Her lips. Ever that red. Ever so tempting.
"I heard Stella came by the office yesterday. "I  don't want to talk about her. I know he is gonna push. I feel it.
"Chris, you have been different since.."
"Am fine! Am fine. "I cut him off knowing where this is going.

I don't want to go there. I don't want to talk about it because that one question is gonna come up and I am not ready to tell him the saddening reality. The news that shuttered me.

He sighs and runs a hand through his already shuffled hair. I know mine is worse. The silence is back. But he breaks it.
"Chris, I know we are not in  best of terms. But you should know that I got your back. I am here for you. "he says keeping his eyes on the coffee cup.

I know I can count on him. He has always been there. And it scares me. Because i wonder what happens after I tell him. I know he won't leave but the way he looks at me will change. It will totally change. I don't want that pity from him.

But I do want to tell him. His eyes lift to mine and for a moment we just stare at each other. His my brother. He has been one of the strongest pillars of my life. I can trust him. I can tell him right. Right.

"I.." but am cut off by the knock on the door and Zayn's head appears by the door. The confidence I was gonna use to tell William goes flying out the room. How great.

"Hey. I got you clothes. "he says showing me the maroon suit. I look back at William who is currently looking out the window. Probably disturbed by the intrusion.

I grab the suit and get ready for work.